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An adoptive mother says on how they convinced the extended family and built a loving family family through adoption
Guest Blogger Vandana Kumar in her own words: I am an adoptive parent, a mother of two wonderful, beautiful children and wish to share our story and hope it may inspire some couples to build a family through adoption and give a loving family to some more children. I work with the Government of India for a living and enjoy reading and gardening in my free time.
It was a misty morning when my husband of three days had gently said, “I would like to adopt a child. I often wonder what happens to children who lose their parents – does every child not need a secure childhood and loving environment of a family.” This had come as a surprise as never in the three months that we had been engaged, had he mentioned anything of this kind. Recovering from my initial shock, I had said I need time to think about it.
Over the months that rolled by, we had discussed this at length. This would determine the course of our wedded life. Much was discussed – would we be up to it, would we have any regrets later in life, would we be able to do justice to the children and how will our families take it. We were the only daughter and son of our respective parents who had started looking forward to being grandparents the moment we were married.
The more we spoke about this, the more convinced we became that this was the right thing to do. Why bring more children into this world when there are already millions who deserve love, care and security of a family? We felt we had met and married to do this, build our family this way. The road to execution from ideation however was a few years long as events overtook us but one thing remained constant, to build our family through adoption.
A mother prepares herself for nine months to bring her baby into the world. Here I was one who prepared herself for five years. My baby grew in my heart. In this interregnum, we told our families about our decision. I had gone weak in my knees when I saw the pallor of my mother-in-law’s face as my husband spoke to her slowly, gently, delving on each word carefully with courage in his eyes and conviction in his heart. Over the months that followed the whole family got together to prevail upon us to reverse our decision. Why are you doing this? Is there a medical problem? How would the family tree expand? The way we had seen it we were enlarging our fold of love and it would have in no way reduced our commitment to our family. Everyone had lived a happy and fulfilled life; it was now a child’s chance. It was not about them or us. It was about our baby and her right to seek our love whether or not she came from my tummy!
While we were trying to convince our families, we were also talking to some of our friends. Some endorsed and lauded our decision, while several others admitted that either of them too had held a wish to adopt a child but could not, as the partner did not feel the same way. We also met adoptive families who were leading very happy and fulfilled lives with children being brought up with abundant love. These interactions only strengthened our resolve.
With our commitment unwavering, after about two years the family relented albeit with a heavy heart. We meanwhile had been preparing for the arrival of our baby, buying musical soft toys, dresses, fluffy blankets from our journeys abroad. We had also gone ahead registering with the adoption agency to get our bundle of joy home. We had made up our mind; the baby shown to us will be our baby. We would not go to choose a baby.
Finally the day arrived when we welcomed our baby with relief and joy, satisfied in our heart to have made a beginning of the journey we had longed to undertake. The nuns in the organization that cared for our child until we got her said a prayer in their little chapel and gave our three month old a tearful send off showering her with blessings. Here were people who showered the little angels with boundless selfless love, only to give them away to parents who would cherish them. It is simple; some people make up for others!
A nun on parting had given me the feed schedule of my baby. That night I had put an alarm to remind me, lest I remain sleeping while my little one is hungry. How silly I had felt as exactly two hours after her last feed she gave a mild cry and there I was ready with her feed. That day on, my baby became my teacher. She taught me what she needed and I learnt like a good student and she rewarded me handsomely with her smiles, cackles and squeals….and yes, she had started winning over everyone in the family with all her innocent charm .
It has been ten years since we commenced our beautifully rewarding journey and expanded our family with the adoption of our daughter. Our home resonates with giggles and laughter. We are thankful to Him for having chosen us to experience love and humanity in this wonderful way.
Pic credit: Kodamakitty (Used under a Creative Commons License)
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