Why We Need To Take Charge Of Managing A Bad Temper

Managing a bad temper can be difficult, but is essential to our own well-being, besides those of others around us. 

In one of the horrific murders that occurred in Bengaluru some time back, a husband brutally bludgeoned his wife after having a quarrel with her. When the mother-in-law intervened, the raging husband didn’t spare her too. She too became the victim of his heinous crime.

The most astonishing part was that he sneaked out of the house slyly, while his children aged six and two years were asleep in the next room. The act was committed in a fit of rage and unfortunately the lives of these kids would never be the same again, without the love and protection of their mother.

Opinions often differ and differences crop up among family and friends; however, two mature adults can choose to resolve disputes calmly. Without being violent, abusive and insulting. It’s a turn off to meet people who are ill- tempered. They can be unpredictable and it can be very frustrating being around hot tempered people.

Anger management is an important issue today because times have changed and it is important to discuss it. Keeping a cool mind is a challenge most of us face today. But if our emotions are transformed into rage then things could turn for the worse. Rage is the prime source of violence, fights, unhealthy arguments at home and it spreads hatred. Being hot tempered intensifies resentful feelings, hatred and anger within us. It’s because of bad management of anger and people becoming hubs of bitter feelings that there is so much hostility and badness in our society and communities. Being in control of our tempers is a step towards fostering peace and harmony.

It’s because of bad management of anger and people becoming hubs of bitter feelings that there is so much hostility and badness in our society and communities.

If the above points are not good enough reasons for us to manage our anger, then read further to know about the disastrous effects of anger on our health.

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More good reasons to manage a bad temper

What changes take place in our bodies when we are angry? Anger triggers the ‘flight and fight’ response in our bodies. The adrenaline gland releases stress hormones: cortisol and adrenaline. There is no harm if we occasionally experience this change in our body. The problem occurs when there is a constant flow of these stress chemicals, followed by changes in our body due to it. Headaches, depression, blood pressure, heart attack and stroke are some of the effects of bad anger management.

Another significant reason to curb our own anger is because our bad temperament affects our children. I can say this with confidence, as I’ve noticed this change with my child too. Whenever I yelled at him for failing to meet my expectations of discipline, he would often distance himself; thereby, making it more difficult for me as a parent to control his behaviour. Learning to calm myself and understand the underlying cause for his misbehaviour helped me to manage him better and also respect his feelings.

Parents and caregivers who are concerned about nurturing healthy family units, can go through certain parenting books which enlighten us on what to expect from children at different stages. Having knowledge on what to expect from a child will make the process less stressful.

Children of angry and aggressive parents may turn aggressive themselves and the effects may last right up to adulthood. They may become victims of chronic depression and may also end up committing crimes.

Anger is a natural emotion and it’s not bad in itself. Anger too needs to be expressed in healthy ways. It’s dangerous to bottle up feelings of anger. It only becomes dangerous when it’s expressed in unhealthy ways. Slamming doors, shouting at the top of our voices and  targeting innocent people are unhealthy ways of expressing anger. Some people even use their anger to manipulate people and situations which is sad.

Help with managing your temper

Here are some points that come to my mind, when it comes to taming our tempers.

1. Walk away to calm ourselves down. When caught up in a situation that angers us, it’s best to give ourselves some time. We could later return to resolve the conflict when we are in control of our emotions.
2. Count to ten before reacting.
3. Keep a diary. There are people who use a diary to pour out their feelings. It’s one way to give vent to the bitter feelings.
4. Practise meditation and yoga. These relaxation techniques will help us calm down.
5. Do physical exercise. It enhances the mood in a positive way. It could do wonders to our temperament because according to researchers rigorous exercise burns out stress chemicals, and produces neurotransmitters in the brain that enhance our mood.
6. Identify the source of anger and find ways to deal with it.
7. Last but not the least, consult a psychologist or a counsellor for advice.

Anger is a natural and a healthy emotion provided it does not destroy our work, our relationships and our families. It’s absolutely fine to undergo this emotion provided we do not become slaves to this emotion. It becomes a setback when it starts interfering with other people’s lives. Getting angry for all the monstrosity taking place is justifiable and appropriate, as this anger pushes us to fight for peace in our society. But getting angry for all the wrong reasons is not justifiable. Being in control of our temperaments is being in control of ourselves.

I’d like to conclude with a piece of wisdom by Mark Twain: “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to a vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Mask of anger image via Shutterstock

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