Reigniting Life’s Motor

‘Reigniting Life’s Motor’ is a remarkable string of incidents by the author, each incident narrating a crushing event that she picked herself up from and carried on. 

The fountain in front of my apartment has stopped working and the water in the man-made lake is still and calm. As I look into my reflection in the steady water, I go back to those moments in my life where the motor of my life’s waterfall too was broken and it seemed that life had come to a standstill.

I was probably 6 years old, sitting alone in my home and peeking through my window at my friends playing below. They were so engrossed in their play of hide-and-seek that no one even seemed to be missing me. And me, I could not go out to play because I had this stupid chicken pox and thus was grounded at home by Mother Nature. My mom was pacifying me from the kitchen reassuring me that I will be able to join my friends soon. I was not sad that I was not able to play, but at that tender age too, I was hurt deep inside that none of my friends even subtly hinted or expressed that they missed me. They were having a great time sans me. The chicken pox seemed to have opened my eyes and life seemed to have come to a standstill for a moment.

I was in the 6th grade and there was a heinous crime committed in my locality. A family was butchered by thugs just to get some money and jewels. The kids in that family studied in my school, although I did not know them personally. We had a few minutes of silence during our school assembly that day, praying for the deceased family. I came home that day and just started crying incoherently. I cried till the tears dried and my eyes became puffy. My father kept on asking me what was wrong and yet I just could not tell him what exactly was bothering me. I skipped school for 3 days. Everything was dark around and life seemed to have come to a standstill for a moment.

And yet, on the fourth day, I could not take the darkness anymore and went to school leaving behind the blood and ash memories of the incident.

I was in my Senior High School. The seniors had picked up a few juniors from the class and had asked them to make a queue. Unfortunately, I was one of them. The seniors were having some fun at our expense. Just then, one of them commented, “It seems this girl isn’t being fed properly at home, look at her popping collar bones.” I was thin then, I am thin now. With this comment hurting like a scorpion sting, I was made to eat a piece of cake without touching it with my hands. I closed my eyes in shame and the time seemed to have come to a standstill then.

And yet, I did not let those nasty comments on my thin frame erode my confidence, neither did I eat the cake as per the seniors’ instructions. I rebelled instead.

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I was newly married and was at my new home. There was a lot of chaos going on with regard to the rituals of welcoming the new bride into the family. I was overwhelmed with the plethora of instructions being thrown at me. And at one moment, I did the grave mistake by not abiding by one of the ritual rules. The chaos was making me cringe, with elderly women crying foul based on their beliefs.”Something unholy will happen to my husband and me,” was being echoed in my ears. I somehow mentally blocked out all the commotion and time seemed to have come to a standstill for me.

I cried till the tears dried and my eyes became puffy. My father kept on asking me what was wrong and yet I just could not tell him what exactly was bothering me.

And yet, I politely told the elderly that my husband and I will face the unholy.

And yet, I realised that it is ‘me’ who has to reignite the motor of my life’s waterfall to ensure that the standstill moments are left behind. It is ‘me’ who is responsible for bringing the swing and motion back to my life. No one else.

Image via Shutterstock.

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