Let Go Of Perfection And Enjoy Life In The Moment

The first thought that I have every morning when I wake up is what am I going to do today? How is today going to be different from yesterday? Although some mornings this thought is liberating and freeing, making the impossible sound possible, making every hill seem climbable and every stream swimmable, there are mornings when this very thought can be daunting and the biggest obstacle from getting out of bed.

I couldn’t help but ask myself why am I thinking this way? Why could I not get up and just enjoy the day without goals, without deadlines without having the desperate and compelling need to quantify an unquantifiable? The answer came a few days later- conditioning! I was conditioned to wake up and find my purpose for that day.. justify my existence and at the end clearly define whether the 12-14 hours that I had, was worth it or not. Although this kind of thinking can create a goal-oriented always pushing for more kind of person, but many a times it creates a person who is constantly under stress and under a pressure created by themselves. I found myself in the second category and believe you me, it is not a good feeling and it doesn’t go away easily.

The biggest reason why we especially women feel this stress is because we are set with unrealistic and unachievable benchmarks that we are always trying to meet and exceed. We have been implicitly tuned to be the best in every role that we play and many a times these benchmarks create an undue stress that not only stops us from doing the stuff but stops us from enjoying our lives and the saddest part is we never consciously want to enjoy our lives. We consciously want to be a good mother, wife, daughter, sister, daughter in law and nowadays a stay at a home mom, a working mom, an in between jobs wife, a working wife, a studying wife- the list just goes on and in the attempt to be all of this and be good at it, we are losing out  little by little.

The moments of silence and sometimes these moments that last for the majority of the day are the crucial ones for us because it is in these moments that we think through and feel what is going on and how to take things ahead. The things we tell ourselves constantly, things like I’m such a mess, I’m so fat, I’m so ugly, I’m just not able to cope, I need to be a better mum, I need to be a more caring wife or I need to learn to start cooking better they become the conditioning and before we know it we are living in this simulated world of stress and the pressure only goes up.

The most important thing is to be happy. We are doing this all to be happy and not to be stressed. As adults we can choose whatever that is we want to do and we need to learn to drone out the voices in our heads and the voices around us telling us differently. As a 30 something woman, I know this is my time and I want to live everyday without waiting for a tomorrow with better situations. Today maybe we are at home wanting to go to work but tomorrow we will be at work and wishing to stay at home so there’s never really an ideal situation is there? We also need to learn to drown the voices of people around us, asking us and questioning us about what we are doing, where we are headed and giving advice on how they did things. Sometimes when ignoring is not good enough, a stern response has to be given to let them know it’s not helpful. Many a times people give advice and don’t even realise the effect it is having on the other person.

I feel angry at how the marketing and advertising industry is looking at feminism as a new sales pitch and a new way to increase their numbers and unknowingly passing on wrong messages and stresses to women. Feminism means equality and freedom. And most of the times we need to feel equal and free in our minds and despite our conditioning.

It really is all about letting go of wanting to be at the perfect situation but enjoying life at the moment.