“If I Had My Way, SLUT Would Be A Medal Of Bravery!” Diary Of A ‘Miss Julie’ [#ShortStory]

If society does slut shaming of a woman for being a prostitute, it is society who needs to hang its head in shame, not the woman, whose soul can be untouched and pure!

Dear Diary,                                                                                                                                                                 3:00 AM

Today I write as a ‘Miss Julie’. I was told I am beautiful yet again, not that I ever doubted the fact, just the verity of it. But a compliment on a birthday is never bad, is it?

Ha-Ha, that is always enough to earn ire, even from the most dispassionate, supposedly unprejudiced of men and woman. This is where I lose it all – my individuality, my beauty, my respect – plunging my womanhood to ignominy. I am judged ruthlessly.

Sometimes when I go round the corners of the city, just to explore how the world has been doing ever since mine was engulfed in the darkness of this business, I see them. The WOMEN!

They are perfect! they are just like the dream me! Some walk carefree with hands entwined in their lovers’. What a feeling that would be, I can only imagine – to know the one beside you is for LIFE! My longest love affair hasn’t lasted more than a night!

I have tried to blend in and I have failed! No matter what I do, the prostitute in me always has an edge over the person there. If I wear makeup I’m a slut, if I don’t I’m worse! Can I ever be elegant?

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When I dress up, and walk and talk, everyone around me seems to know my ugly truth.They just do! Its like my chances dwarf to zero, even before I ever had it. It is the society that’s my enemy, it’s the collective gaze of the society that strips me of the respect that is due to me. It is not the men and women there, for I hope to believe if a day ever came, they would give me the benefit of my doubt. The society never would…

It makes me laugh you know, the way society works, there are unsaid perpetual guidelines,none sees but everyone follows, everyone who wants to fit in. This is..and this is not..you can be and you can not.. And sad as it is, there’s place for murderers and rapists, but none for me, a prostitute.

Well honestly here I am happy to be an outcast. What if they don’t have respect for my vocation, I do!

I want to stand out there and challenge society to step in my shoes and walk! We’ll see how far it gets!It is an ugly profession, I have to agree, but it’s no girls choice. It wasn’t mine.

Not that it matters Diary, but I wanted to become a baker. I baked the best cakes and the best muffins in the world! All I wanted was to bake all day, and serve as many people with the sweet goodness as I could. I wanted to touch their lives in that brief moment while they enjoyed my baking. Wasn’t too much to ask of life… was it?

I was called Saadhna then. That name is lost. One day a man asked me what my real name was and I told him in my childish foolishness! He made the most abysmal jokes about it. From that day, I have shed the name, like I have shed memories of the past.

Where you need massive strengths to live from one moment to the next, a poker face from one day to another and a hardened heart for as far ahead of the journey as you see, such memories do little to help. Now I am Julie one day and Rosy another. This is fine, this is expected out of me, for there are those social guidelines about our names that I talked about. We are to choose but only from a handful.

Interesting word – SLUT.

Who is a slut? “Someone robbed of dignity and self possession down to the level of flesh and bones, endured pounding from every misfortune that knocked her door and still stands tall and beautiful everyday with hopes like that of a new bride.”

If I had my way, SLUT would be a medal of bravery!

I started at seventeen. I continued till twenty five. Will there be an escape? I know it’s my birthday, but you can’t blame me for not being upbeat.

Will I ever find that man who can for once see beyond my physicality? Who can for once not judge me, who can for once see the sanctity of my soul, rather than my body? Who can for once appreciate the bold, strong, beautiful woman I am… can someone take away my anguish and walk me back to my adolescence to start once again?

Will one ever dare to shatter the stained glass window I’m trapped in and see me for who I am? I continue to hope so…

But just in case, nobody from the societal bunch of wimps has got the spine to do what is just right, I would like to make my position clear..

There is no redemption, there is absolutely no sin I have to absolve myself of! I am as untainted as it gets, for I believe purity is of the soul and of the virtues. To limit that to a body, well well…  You called yourselves well read, did ya?

I am no damsel in distress and this is no cry for help. It took a Julia Roberts to try and paint but a small picture of what I am! I am merely a victim of the dirty business YOU put in place, to satiate YOUR appetite. My advice is to save your contempt towards me and use it to ensure that another Saadhna isn’t victimized.

As for me, I am proud of the woman I am. When a man snores next to me sometimes his words shake my core late till the morning – “If I hadn’t gotten here, I would have found someone on the road,” and I know that girls like me are saving others on the road, so yes I am proud!

It is YOU dear society, who has to be redeemed in my eyes not vice versa, I fervently wish someday you succeed!

And before I wrap up and go back to my world a thought provoking exercise –“Think before you slut sham.You might just be calling someone outrageously brave for all I know!”

Good Night.

Image source: woman writing a diary by Shutterstock.

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