Mamma, What Does Gay Mean? Is It Time We Had That Talk? #WomenOnTheMove

“Mamma, what does gay mean?” Asks the innocent child, and the parent blushes…and stutters. Here’s how not to be that parent.

“Mama, do you know we were talking about ‘family’ today in school & I was surprised that there were kids who had two daddies and no mommies, and one had two mommies and no daddies. Isn’t it strange?” asked my 5 year old.

Explaining this scenario to a 5 year old was a bit of a predicament for me. What should I tell her? How should I tell her? Is this the right time? How do I put my words across with age appropriate knowledge?

A 5 year old might not understand these concepts, that some of us as adults are still coming to terms with. Earlier this week, we had our weekly #Womenonthemove chat over at Twitter, and this is what we discussed. (If you’re not yet following Women’s Web on Twitter, do now, and you can come over for the chat too, every Thursday 6-7PM IST).

But we can always start with baby steps!

Why? Because not only will it help in preparing our children for potentially unpleasant situations but also will strengthen the child-parent bond and mutual trust.

@womensweb A1. Not yet. He’s just turned 4. At most, we’ve talked to him about ‘gender’ and ‘inappropriate touching by others’

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

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The conversation should of course be adjusted to the child’s age and level of understanding.

@womensweb think my Dad had an open convo with me when I turned 11. But that was almost 20 yrs ago. Kids these days have much more access

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

@womensweb #Womenonthemove Yes!No right age to start,start from very beginning.Reject gender norms& teach kids to celebrate gender fluidity

— SheSays (@SheSaysIndia) June 30, 2016

@womensweb A2. I suppose, as soon as they get inquisitive; there’s no right age I suppose – all kids are different;

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

@womensweb I don’t have a child. But as an elder sister I helped my sister understand the ideas of LGBT very early. #womenonthemove

— richa singh (@richa_singh) June 30, 2016

@womensweb yes. The right age is when they get inquisitive…. very relative to each child.

— Ruchitaa Mehrra (@RuchitaaMehrra) June 30, 2016

@womensweb @richa_singh I did. First when he was ten. I had one yday. Spoke about contraception, safe sex and etc. He leaves 4 college soon.

— Kanchana Banerjee (@justkanchana) June 30, 2016

In a society where anything even remotely related to ‘SEX‘ is a ‘TABOO’ this discussion is usually dropped!

@womensweb @indywrites @iwrotethose @mehas1 Most of my friends haven’t discussed sex, contraceptives with kids who are leaving 4 college

— Kanchana Banerjee (@justkanchana) June 30, 2016

@womensweb @richa_singh It’s so imp to discuss this with young boys and girls going to college.

— Kanchana Banerjee (@justkanchana) June 30, 2016

@womensweb when i was a child, sexuality was a taboo topic in the house. Even now, if i talk of pregnant women, i m shushed #WomenontheMove

— eggs and eggplants (@firingouty) June 30, 2016

@womensweb everything related to SEX is still taboo in a lot of households.

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

@womensweb Even worse is the look that people give you if you happen to walk into a supermarket to buy a contraceptive…say a condom for eg

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

As parents we need to understand: distorted knowledge can prove to be more dangerous than full & actual knowledge.

@womensweb When I was in school we were clueless about LGBT, ppl used to ridicule them. Movies also cause this stereotype #womenonthemove

— Aparna V Singh (@editorsahiba) June 30, 2016

@womensweb @RuchitaaMehrra the kids are confused with terms & don’t know what it means. More the curiosity, more the research.

— Niyatii N Shah (@projectaverti) June 30, 2016

@womensweb @RuchitaaMehrra it’s best to give them honest answers. Else they will Google and that can expose them to unnecessary information.

— Niyatii N Shah (@projectaverti) June 30, 2016

@womensweb @richa_singh we shud encourage children to come up with Qs …as against to peers or some source that could give distorted info

— Ruchitaa Mehrra (@RuchitaaMehrra) June 30, 2016

@womensweb That’s worse;B’cos with the ‘access’ they have, they’re self-educating -and that gives them a very narrow & incorrect view of sex

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

But we have grown up with our own set of prejudices. So how do we accept change & explain in the best way possible?

@womensweb Most ppl get an awareness in early childhood itself.For eg Transgender kids hv a fair idea. Conflict arises when parents reject

— eggs and eggplants (@firingouty) June 30, 2016

@womensweb their gender orientation and instead force their kids to behave as per societal gender binaries #WomenOntheMove

— eggs and eggplants (@firingouty) June 30, 2016

@womensweb a3. It comes down to how easily You (both as an individual and parent) can accept these. Explaining is perhaps the easier part.

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

@womensweb I didn’t (rather still don’t like) explain through biological facts. Made the chat more cultural /softer issues #womenonthemove

— richa singh (@richa_singh) June 30, 2016

@womensweb the best way to reach out to kids is thru mythological tales. Mahabharat for example talks of Shikhandi and Mahadeva

— eggs and eggplants (@firingouty) June 30, 2016

@womensweb You have to be careful not to pass on your Prejudices to your kids.So you need to make your peace with that first #Womenonthemove

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

@womensweb @RuchitaaMehrra one needs to know that a human does not decide their orientation. They can’t help what they are.

— Niyatii N Shah (@projectaverti) June 30, 2016

@womensweb I’ve also seen kids freely cheer on various Pride parades ; so it not being taboo definitely helps in making them understand.

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

Adaptability is the best way to keep up with change for change is imminent.

We need to understand that the world has come a long way since when we were a child. It has gone through a sea change. And as adults we need to come to terms with this fact and accept it & change accordingly. Nothing is a ‘TABOO’. It’s just our mental block that we need to do away with for good.

@womensweb Absolutely. Sensitizing is one thing; accepting their choices is another. We MUST be able to WALK the TALK

— Sid (@iwrotethose) June 30, 2016

@womensweb i agree absolutely. A healthy society can be achieved when there is openness and acceptance of sexual and gender identities

— eggs and eggplants (@firingouty) June 30, 2016

@womensweb if the parents are open minded, they unconsciously create an environment wherein kids easily take to such concepts which r taboo

— meha (@mehas1) June 30, 2016

@womensweb we can demonstrate our acceptance of freedom of sexuality through our actions, have healthy discussions and so on

— meha (@mehas1) June 30, 2016

@womensweb also talking to children abt bodies changin gender n repro health enables them to speak out on abuse , rather than feel guilty

— Aanchal Verma (@aanch29) June 30, 2016

Image: Heart rainbow of colours by Shutterstock

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