Of Arranged Marriages And The Underlying Tales That Are The Bane Of A Single Girl’s Life!

What others think

• I am arrogant and reject all the proposals preposterously.
• I don’t dress up in a saree, so guys don’t find me beautiful, attractive.
• I have too many expectations when I say I am looking for a well educated person with a liberal mind.
• My parents are careless, lazy or apathetic about searching the right groom.
• Prospective grooms might be rejecting me because of my height, weight and colour.
• It’s high time that I should nod “yes” for any living thing that stands in front of me.
• Too much late can cause complications during my pregnancy in future. In any case my eggs are dying.
• My horoscope might suggest some terrible flaws.
• My family and I are too cool about this thing and will be a bad example to parents looking to marry off their independent daughters.
• I should visit tantrics, mantrics, babas, godmans, godwomans and 330 million gods/goddesses in India.
• Our family god is angry on us for not praying to him periodically.
• Daughters shouldn’t be given freedom or sent to big cities.
• I need to give up on mini skirts, jeans, pointed heels if required.
• People younger than me are getting married, roaming on honeymoons and procreating.
• I am growing fat, old with strands of grey hair.

What is happening

• Guys with good education, rational mindset and liberal views are rare. (They don’t exist. If they do, they are either hooked or booked).
• Patriarchal system has creeped too much into the society.
• No marriage is possible in India without dowry or lump sum gifts.
• Unfortunately, high price-tagged grooms may also not guarantee happy married life.
• Expectations of guys parents like – girl moving to another city/country leaving her career, cooking and cleaning for the entire family, keeping on ever smiling face..etc are not to be traded. Not even in dreams.
• Guys working in India have suddenly disappeared into an abyss.
• Guys working in foreign ONLY want brides with these qualifications- B.tech, fair, tall, rich, some software skills, GRE score if possible.
• Great astrologers give my parents deadline of 3/6 months and keep repeating the cycle often.
• I don’t visit temple daily, perform puja, do fasting to please god. Yet, I wear thick band of red sacred threads around my wrist.
• The unending pujas to different gods continue including the cow gods to stone goddesses in villages continue, and we pay exorbitantly for all the rituals.
• You need to decide your partner within 20 minutes of your interaction that too amidst 10 more family members.
• We end up spending too much on sweets and savouries when match fixing meetings take place.
• Everyday I am required to login all sorts of matrimonial sites. (Heck! I don’t even do that for my Naukri account).
• My pics and biodata needs to be kept in handy so as to forward it in fraction of seconds to any matchmaker or prospective grooms.
• My granny wishes to see my wedding before she dies.
• My cousin’s saree and jewellery shopping is linked to my wedding.
• I am the only one left out in the entire generation and my whole family is keenly staring at me.
• The first thing people ask when they meet us is if we have zeroed on any match.
• Desperate men of all ages try to hit on single girls irrespective of their relationship status.
• Single girls do not have family errands like buying groceries, bills, changing baby’s diapers, yearly vacations, parent teacher meetings… so they are not expected to take many leaves.
• The chances of finding a groom starts diminishing once you hit late 20’s.

What I think

• May be I am happy single.
• May be I am tired of taking responsibilities.
• It is weary to keep sending your pics and biodata everyday.
• Will I be paying a high price of losing freedom?
• What if the person turns out to be an abusive, chauvinist pig?
• What if our wavelength doesn’t match?
• Why can’t I find some genuine family who wants a sane humble bride?
• Can I truly find a man who looks beyond colour, body, properties and social status?
• Why can’t I demand a choice of my own?
• Why marriage is not a choice in India and is mandatory?
• Why marriage and bearing children is the primary goal and a flourishing career and my entrepreneurship goal is trivial?
• How can someone judge me without peeping into my mind?
• How easy it would be if grooms come with customisations akin to Subway burger.
• Maybe I should stop being stubborn on particulars and go with the flow.
• Maybe my mom should stop accumulating sarees, jewellery, stuff for the D day.
• Maybe I should stop attending weddings and functions for the fear of becoming a muse or centre of all discussions.
• May be 36-24-36 is extremely vital and I should give up on butter on bread and cake beneath the cherry.
• Even the ugly friend, dumb cousin, our street dogs are married and have a partner. Then, what is the fault in my stars?
• I should start making questionnaire, develop factors, criteria to derive at an easy formula. Put the guys details and the result should come out as “Yes/No/Standby”.
• I give a scornful look at those who bluntly make statements on this whole drama.

The list is incomplete, ongoing.