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We tend to repeat the negative patterns that govern our lives, and mess it up. Here is how to get rid of them and lead a happier life.
How many times have you felt a similar situation being brought back in your life? Similar people, similar traits, and treatment, to name a few. You might have just gone on with it not knowing the underlying pattern.
Yes, you read that right! There are patterns in our lives in various areas, such as work place, relationships, friendships etc. So, how does one identify that?
Look out for similar kinds of relationships. You would notice that the people you attract possess similar traits and the relationships meet with similar results eventually. When this gets into a pattern, that is the time you need to take the call to destroy this pattern so that it does not repeat again.
First and foremost you have to recognize and accept that there is a pattern involved. When you do this, it becomes easy to identify the tools required to break the negative pattern.
The various areas of our life have different kinds of patterns. It could involve attracting a pushy and overbearing boss at work. Or nasty neighbours, landlords, friends that drain you, love relationships that break you one after another.
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Once you have recognized a pattern, you have to go about breaking it so that it does not repeat any further. For some of us, after a few instances, the warning bells tend to ring loud and clear. This is when the exit door looms large. Then all you’ve got to do is to talk to the other party and move on with peace in your heart.
Does that sound tough? Not really. What happens is that, after the many ordeals, one is ready and all set to break the pattern and it does not hurt that much. Staying in the toxic relationship would be far worse.
For those that cannot fathom a pattern and need assistance to identify it, talking to friends and family may help. Another way would be to use the paper pen method. Sit down in a comfortable place in some peace and quiet all by yourself and take deep breaths to relax. Take the pen and paper and list out similar happenings in all the relationships that failed. Most likely, you will see a pattern, some common traits, similar endings etc. You will then understand that there is a pattern involved and this insight is your step to freedom.
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How does one do that? Talk to the person and make peace from your end as it is not always possible to generate peace from both ends. Once you have done that, gradually disconnect from this person’s life. Henceforth, you will be more aware and receptive leading to a better choice in relationships.
When it comes to the workplace, once you have identified similar traits in your boss or colleagues, you can equip yourself with better coping skills to face them as it is not possible to quit jobs. The same goes for other areas of your life. Noisy neighbours can be kept at a safe distance so as to protect your personal space from negativity.
Patterns can also be present in you in the form of laziness, anger, lack of self-love/respect, addiction etc. The same method can be used to break them. Affirmations, meditation, yoga, reiki and many alternate therapies can be used to combat this.
When you use this technique to set your life right, your future would most certainly be bright.
Published here earlier.
Kavita Panyam is a Counseling Psychologist by profession and India's top Co-dependency Recovery Mentor as well as a Narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is on a mission to transform to 1 million people read more...
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