“All You Need Is Love”. Umm, Sometimes, That Isn’t True

With the best intentions in the world, some marriages don’t work out. Perhaps we need to rethink that bit about ‘all you need is love’?

Even the love stories that are not ‘happily ever after’ teach us something! 

I don’t know why I am writing this letter to you on a public platform. But then, my life has always been an open book, though I don’t allow everybody to read that book. Over the past few years, I have always wanted to tell you so many things, but somehow I’ve not been able to do so for one reason or the other. Today after a gap of so many years, when I try to pen down my thoughts, I am at a loss as to where to begin and where to end.

This is the month of February and love is in the air. February is the month of romance and February reminds me of you very often. No, I don’t want to remember you anymore. All the times that we have spent together, be it good or bad, lost their relevance the moment we got the decree of divorce. But then, I am a human after all, not a robot. So, over the years, try whatever I may, I have not been able to erase you completely from my memory.

I don’t use anymore the expensive wristwatch that you gifted me on our second wedding anniversary. I am back to my good old inexpensive wristwatch. After all, a price tag can’t determine the worth of all objects. My old inexpensive watch has shown me many good times in life, whereas yours has only shown bad, difficult times. I don’t wear any of the sarees that you gifted me. I can’t bear their very presence in my wardrobe. But over the years, I have come to terms with the fact that I have to live with your memories. I can’t escape them.

Sometimes I wonder what went wrong with our relationship. We both loved each other. Still, our marriage failed miserably. One thing that I learned from this marriage was that we need something more than love to keep a relationship going. If you ask me, what that something is, then again I am unable to come up with a definite answer. Perhaps, it was maturity. After all, we both were so young, so inexperienced at that time. Remember the time when we kissed on the street? All these seems so childish to me now. Or may be, it was trust that is the foundation of any good relationship. Down the years, the trust evaporated from our relationship, leaving it fragile.

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Whatever it may be, the greatest lesson that I learned from my marriage with you is that no other love can be greater than love for self. Your love left me in tears, on the verge of being a psychiatric patient. Now I am happy being myself. This Valentines’ Day, I took myself to a movie date, bought gifts for myself and treated myself to an ice-cream. But one thing that I find difficult is getting into any relationship. I don’t know whether I’ll ever be able to get into any normal relationship.

I don’t want to face you ever in my life. But I know the inevitable. After all, we still have a common property: our son. And once he turns eighteen, my custody right will be over and you’ll have the right to meet him as often as you want. Till then, be happy in your own life. I have never wanted anything but happiness for you. May God give you all that you desire.

With lot of good wishes,
Your ex-wife.

You can view our entire #LettersToMyEx series here.

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