Dear Ex, You Taught Me What I Didn’t Want In A Man

On the eve of her wedding, a woman writes a letter to her shallow ex-boyfriend. There is a surprising thing she has to thank him for!

Even the love stories that are not ‘happily ever after’ teach us something! 

I am sure you are surprised to hear from me suddenly after seven years. The last time we spoke was when we broke up, and frankly, I didn’t think I would ever talk to you again. But tomorrow is a very special day in my life and I wanted to let you know.

Tomorrow I am getting married to a wonderful man. His name is Karan, and I wanted to thank you. If not for you, I would have never discovered him. You might wonder how you could be responsible for us meeting.

Do you remember when we first met, Ankit? It was during our college fest. I already had a crush on you since you were the college football captain and one of the most popular boys. When you asked me to dance with you, I was the envy of every girl there. Soon we were dating regularly. I was barely nineteen and had stars in my eyes. The day you said ‘I love you’ to me was the happiest day of my life and I reciprocated with the same words.

To be fair, on that day I did truly love you with all the innocence and hope of young love. I trusted you completely and had I not overheard you talking to your friends that day, things would have been different.

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You were telling your friends how you expected to get lucky with me soon. I was gullible and as per your exact words ‘easy’. After all, I had a boyfriend before you, so I was obviously putting it out and why shouldn’t you gain as well?

I remember being aghast, walking into the empty classroom where you were boasting to your friends about how I was going to soon be a notch in your belt. I remember you turning towards me and paling. I remember how my hands on their own accord had slapped you and then I had run out with my pride and hope for true love in tatters.

True, you did try to apologize and when I didn’t listen, you told me that it was exactly what every man wanted from me, because I had an impressive figure but no brains and if I didn’t believe that, then I was stupid.

The thing is Ankit, I did believe you. I lost all hope for true love and viewed any man who showed the slightest interest in me with suspicion. I never let anyone get close to me because the hurt you had caused was deep in my soul. It was not just that I had loved you, not even that you had only wanted one thing from me. In the flush of youth, most boys and even girls are looking for physical intimacy. What hurt me was that you mistook my love as being ‘easy’. You decided that if I was beautiful and a size 36, I was dumb. Since I had a boyfriend before you, I was a girl of loose morals, but you dating several girls was a testament to your manhood.

I also realized that this notion was not yours alone. When I reached a certain age and my parents wanted me to marry, I met many clones of you. Men who had a series of relationships but would raise their eyebrows and ask me I had a ‘boyfriend’ before. It was basically a polite way to do a virginity test. They had no interest in my career or dreams, because I was beautiful. I would of course produce kids and sit at home.

Had I not overheard you that day, and not had my young heart crushed, I would not have made the choice I did today.

Karan had no interest in my past relationships. He accepts that just as he has his past, so do I. He wants our present and future together. He does not brand me on the basis of my virginity. He wants me for who I am as an individual. He respects my career choice and wants me to chalk out my own life path. He loves me for what I am as much as how I look. He does not brand me on my past choices, does not generalize me on the basis of my bra size. I finally found someone whom I would like to spend my life with.

Hence, I wanted to thank you Ankit, for teaching me what I didn’t want in a man.

Regards,

A grateful ex

You can view our entire #LettersToMyEx series here.

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