My Dear Exes, I’ve Been Your Victim But Not Anymore

Are we moving past the expectation that a woman must have only ‘one great love’ in her life? Here’s a letter to not one but three exes.

We idolise love stories, but some of them fall apart too. 

Dear Ex-Boyfriend from the Merchant Navy

Hey, you! Yes, you. You who always remembered me every time you jumped off the beast you’d tamed for months. I mean the ship you would control so cleverly over the wild seas. Little did I realize you controlled me as well.

Every time you returned from your journey to proclaim your love for me – I was controlled. Each time you spoke about your commitment to our love – I was hooked. Every single moment we spent together was cherished. The first time I broke up with you, was for your lack of commitment levels. Yet, you turned up at my doorstep for years altogether. False promises, false words of assurance. Wow, what great control you had over me. 10 years on, I still always loved you. No, wait. It isn’t because of your awesomeness. It’s because I was in a mess.

I’m glad I sent you back last year when you tried to contact me yet again. You need to realize time flies, people change, and you certainly have no control over my thoughts. Yes, it was difficult to let you go, again. But then, practice makes a man…wait, a woman perfect. I’ve mastered the art of detachment and thank you for that. Thank you making me realize the mess I was. I’m no longer in that spot and you no longer can control me.

Hope you sort out your life soon.

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Dear Artist who painted false dreams

Where do I begin? You proclaimed you loved me. You tracked my every move online. The distance did not matter. You ensured you stayed connected with me. Phone calls, messages, emails, chats!

Wow! I was in love. What a man! To love someone who did not belong to my community. To speak about future dreams when the present was in question. As an artist who paints so vividly on his canvas, he created a massive picture of future stories. What a painting that was! Until he asked me to change for his family. Change your religion, change your style, change your exercise routine, change what you eat.

You are such a wonderful man, dear friend. You mentioned love and I was willing to adjust. Don’t you think you should have found a new girlfriend instead of trying to find things in a woman who was completely not what you desired? After all, I’m not some software you can define changes and accept an upgraded product.

You – my friend, need to wake up and smell the reality. Know what you seek in a partner before making false promises. And, me, I was so naive. To believe someone who always painted illusions!

Good luck to you.

Dear Ex-Husband

Wow, what do I say to you? You presented a picture of a beautiful human being. You were so humble and well-mannered, you took us right in. I loved your respect for women. The way you pretended to support my dreams. The talks that centered around the two of us in a new city.

I left my comfort zone to accept a whole new life. One that was protected by the sacred rituals performed in a temple. I didn’t understand all that was said. All I knew was you are my husband, and I’ll always do everything to make it work.

But, my dear ex, I think I did not realize this has to be a two-sided effort. I was so completely lost, I took in every word you uttered. From a corporate woman, I turned into a meek housewife who did everything to please her husband. After all, isn’t that a woman’s role? You ensured that I believed my role was limited to the kitchen.

I was so wrong dear ex. It took me years to muster courage and step out from a relationship that was based on untruths, deceit, and fraud. I searched for the woman I knew. I perused photographs. I checked my videos. Was that really me? That confident me? Who was this stranger in the mirror now?

Thank you dear ex-husband, it’s because of you I decided to reclaim my life. I placed faith in the unknown, mustered courage to speak the truth and continue to search for the lost me.

My journey is on, and my faith unwavering.

You, my friend. You must know that no woman is so weak as to continue with a relationship that has no love, no purpose. Before you love someone, please understand your own personality. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

Good luck.

I have to thank all my exes. After all, the courage I have is due to the failed attempts to nurture a relationship based on love. I’ve been your victim but not anymore.

Ladies – first find your worth. And then find a man worthy of you.

You can view our entire #LettersToMyEx series here.

Image via Unsplash

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