6 Ways I’m Not Just His ‘Better Half’, But A ‘Whole Person’ On My Own Too

Yes, I am in a good and happy relationship. Yes, very much in love too. But wait, what? Do you also think that’s all my identity is about? NO!

Often people make a mistake by thinking that if a woman is happy and religiously involved in her relationship or marriage, that’s all she does every single day …

Don’t generalize and don’t be so quick to judge me.

This relationship is indeed the essence of my life. I have grown and become more mature, living with someone as brilliant as Mr Husband, but this relationship doesn’t tie me down. I always had my own wings and dreams to fly high over the rainbow. And, then we met and he became the wind beneath my wings.

Here are some facts that will prove my point.

Having my own say

It’s not always ‘We before Me’. I stand up for what I believe in. I don’t discount the value of my own requirements and expectations. I believe in talking and sorting out issues rather than sacrificing silently and suffocating myself. I value myself as much I value him and our bond.

I never try to rationalize his or my unethical or inappropriate behaviour. Being an emotional person, it’s hard, I agree but I don’t allow logic to step aside.

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Making my own decisions

Yes, I do consult him cuz he is my best friend and best advisor, but I don’t seek his approval or ask for his permission to take any decisions of my life. He thoroughly supports the fact that I am an intelligent mature woman who is capable of taking her own decisions.

Along with that, I do take the responsibility for the consequences too. I own the fact that my life is the result of choices that I’ve made.

Self-reliance & self-love

I love myself enough to know that I am worthy. I deserve nothing but the best and I need not settle for anything less. I am perfect enough to be myself and I don’t need to change myself to be accepted.

By self-reliance, I mean that I am confident enough to trust my power and strengths and to take personal accountability. I don’t require constant validation from him.

He complements me, not completes me

We are inter-dependent of course but not co-dependent. We team up to encourage each other to pursue individual goals and passion projects. As much as I support his goals I pursue mine too. We are not needy in the sense that we can’t accomplish things without each other.

He doesn’t try to supplement my ‘weakness’ with his strength. I am strong enough that he doesn’t have to constantly worry about me.

Some space and some set boundaries

Regarding Space – Individuality is important. We both provide each other space and time to do ‘our own things’. I’ve always believed that when two people unite it’s not about merging, but it’s actually the adding of two different worlds and two different cultures.

Regarding boundaries – As I said, I am self-aware and clear about my needs, likes and dislikes. So if there are any issues and things I am not OK with, there I set my boundaries and communicate them well. Similarly, I respect his boundaries and expectations too.

Things I do for myself that I thoroughly enjoy

My greatest pleasure is spending time with Mr Husband. He magically turns everything into love, laughter and fun. But still, I set aside some ‘me-time’ and pamper myself.

I equally enjoy my own company too. I go on my alone dates, stay connected with my friends and family. I develop my old hobbies & passions while finding new ones. Challenging myself to do things alone without his help, be it anything little or big.

Most of us are usually not aware of the fact that we are slowly losing ourselves in our romantic relationships and sacrificing our needs. When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s often hard to maintain individuality and space.

But in my case, I am a happy strong woman in love with a supportive and intelligent man. We both are complete in ourselves and stand together firmly on the grounds of this relationship. That’s how I think two strong individuals make an even stronger bond.

I didn’t lose myself in loving him, in fact, I can never ever afford to lose myself because the man I love, fell in love with me for the things that make me, ME. My marriage, my man and my home are definitely my first priority but that doesn’t make me forget that I am my own priority too.

Published here earlier.

Images courtesy the author

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