We Need To Call Out All Shades Of Patriarchy Not Just Overt Domestic Violence

There are so many shades of patriarchy that are not as disturbing as actual domestic violence that can scar or kill, but we need to to uproot all these for real empowerment.

Wikipedia definition: “Patriarchy is a social system in which males hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of the property. Some patriarchal societies are also patrilineal, meaning that property and title are inherited by the male lineage.”

There certainly is some positive change, especially in Tier-I cities, after the advent of feminism: The newly empowered generation is fiercely breaking old stereotypes, and I am happy to see how mothers are doing it diligently via bringing up the next  generation.

There are different shades to this patriarchy, black, white, red, green, you can see in all the colours. But you need to have eyes to see it, to witness it, closely and the flip side of the recipient.

Dowry deaths, domestic violence are extremely black shades – you can see the scars on their face, body and often their mind. But what about the other shades which are not much visible? Or are these just ignored? Or you don’t want to see them as they are normalised in the typical patriarchal setup.

Let’s look at some of these shades that don’t disturb us so much, but should.

Gaslighted and suppressed

She is like any other woman, a wife, married with a daughter of 3 years. Staying in a posh apartment. But it’s her duty to clean the mess her husband leaves after eating, and all sort of things which he thinks he’s entitled to do. Every bit of work has to be done by her. She cannot say NO; her system doesn’t allow her.

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Her brain has made to think differently, the wiring is not empowered. Then how can she think of saying NO and standing for herself after 28 years? This is deep-rooted.

Trophy wife – who cares what she wants?

She is married into a well-settled family. No dearth of property and vacationing at foreign locations. Plenty of servants to help, but there is no say/respect for her. She is just like any other thing kept on mute mode. Husband ‘loves’ her but doesn’t want to hear about her problems with other family members. NOT interested types.

Her own parents – ‘adjustment policy’ is their all-time advice on why she should try her best to make everyone happy. Again, the setting is old. The most demanding – Adjusting mode which should never be put off!

Took parenting break, but now everyone needs her at home

A well-educated wife wants to work after a parenting break, but her duties or responsibilities don’t want to leave her, or the people associated with that don’t want to leave their comfort. After all, she is the only one available on duty for 24/7/365 support, without pay. Personal comforts are clearly more important than someone else’s dream or peace of mind.

To be married is her destiny

An educated daughter is ‘allowed to wear jeans’, but 25 is ‘marriageable age’. She should get married to the person of her parents’ choice. No, she is not allowed to put her brains to a new business, start-up or any job, which is her dream. Because marrying her to the safest and richest guy overpowers all. And then, marriage and the same cycle of adjusting.

You can name any other colour in these situations and if you just turn around, there are many. We can even make a VIBGYOR easily. Most of us accept these as normal, and carry forward all the shades of patriarchy with pride.

It’s up to us: do we really want to colour ourselves with these shades? Or want to make our own mark with grit and determination, empowering our lives? The choice is ours and the struggle is real!

Image source: YouTube

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