Love Doesn’t Disappear After Having Kids; The Way It Is Expressed Could Change

I have often seen new parents complaining about their lives after entering parenthood. But do you really think love vanishes once you join the parenting club?

Life changes, to every possible extent, once you become parents. A newborn brings a lot of responsibilities, chores, sleepless nights, and love in abundance. I don’t buy it if someone tells me that a happy and very much in love couple turned cold after embarking on the parenting journey. It is just a phase of life, you start a new chapter, face new challenges and overcome them together. Then how come you claim that the love is over? It’s because of the love, care, and affection that both of you are together, and helping each other sail through these tough and not so rosy days.

How life changes

You no longer remain love birds wandering in your carefree world, you have to wrap your little ones in your warm blanket and nourish them. Sleepless nights, puffed eyes, messy house, the smell of milk and poop, vaccinations, doctor visits are all you have instead of parties and outings. If at all, you visit any parties, you are always busy catering to the needs of your children or worrying about the mess they might create. There are gloomy days filled with frustration and you feel like crying and wailing out loud and run away to solitude but that’s not an option even.

I am a mother of twin daughters who are going to be 3 years in the coming 2 months. I had been into a phase of life where I doubted my decision of making my family as parenting is draining. But I never developed a feeling that I lost the spark in my love life. Love is not always about fancy date nights, exotic holidays, clubbing, gifting diamonds or obligatory blooms. It’s in the smallest of things, a couple does for each other. Parenthood doesn’t mean you have to forget your marriage.

I thank my husband for supporting me in the parenting journey and never let me feel unloved or unwanted. We don’t eat out often, don’t even remember the last movie we had watched in the theatre, there are no flowers or love letters to please each other but we are happy and contented on our own little world. We fight, we disagree, we have differences but at end of the day, we are a team. It was our decision to start our family and now when we have two little jewels around our arms, we want to embrace the feeling together. But, at the same time, we make sure we have our moments too as a couple. Little things he does for me make me feel special even if we don’t get to live a dreamy life.

The little things he does for me

• He lets me enjoy my sleep a few more minutes every morning.
• Wakes up with me during the nights when kids are sick or need to be fed.
• Encourages me to go out with my friends whenever I ever wish to.
• Takes care of home and babysits the kids if I wish to go shopping.
• He still follows the ritual of offering the first bite of food to me, even if we had a bad fight.
• Always waits for me so that we can eat together as a family, no matter how hungry he is. Though I wish to change this but it is his way of spending time with me.
• Settles with Maggi or just rice if I am drained out and don’t wish to cook.
• Cooks for me on the days I don’t feel well, even if he is not Sanjeev Kapoor and can’t make the perfect rotis but I fondly enjoy those maps I get to eat.
• Calls and checks on my family when I am unable to.
• Shares the responsibility of the house and helps with household chores and grocery shopping.
• Appreciates my efforts for making his family and for everything I do for keeping all four of us healthy and sane.
• He does not mind changing diapers and bathing the kids.
• Gives me space and never interferes with my personal matters.
• Keeps motivating me to learn and grow, follow my passion of writing and painting.
• Makes me feel good about my changed body.
• Embraces my imperfections.
• For me, it’s all love. Pure, unadulterated, selfless love. I don’t want my husband to open doors for me or hold my handbag, I am capable of doing that. What matters to me is his support, helping hand and a sympathetic ear for my rants.

A necessary support

So, ladies, thank your man for doing the little things he does for you. Like we need appreciation, men also love to hear a few nice words about them and their efforts in helping us and making this journey smoother.

Men, who are reading this, please understand a woman goes through a lot of hormonal changes during and after pregnancy and needs to be loved, cared, helped and pampered. Take care of her, help her as much as you can, share her load and support her. Know that raising kids is not her job alone, so contribute and promote equal parenting. Don’t shy away from burping your little one or singing a lullaby to them and tucking them to bed.

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And most important, don’t forget you are not just roommates, you are partners for life, husband, and wife. Always remember, you become a couple first, parents later. Don’t lose the spark in your marriage. Give time to each other. Plan date nights; not necessarily something that requires going out, it could be watching a movie together at home, cooking together or just relaxing together chit chatting. Don’t doubt your relationship after having kids because love is still there only the way of expression has changed.

A version of this was first published here.

Image source: shutterstock

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