Let Her Fly

Please do not tell your daughters that they are free to follow their hearts only when they are married. Instilling this thought in them would mar them in the long run. Instead give them wings and let them fly!

Daughter: Mom, can we go on a holiday to this place I was telling you about?

Daughter: Mom, I got placed at this MNC through college recruitment. And the package is pretty good as well.

Mom: Beta, you know how our family doesn’t like women going out to work. Once you get married things will be different.

Me: Mom, I want to…

Mom: Beta! I told you, after marriage.

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If the above conversations sound familiar, you are not alone. In most household many a times when a daughter wishes for something the parents cannot fulfill or find those wishes against their ‘values’. She is told that she can pursue those things once she gets married.

While it may seem okay for the parents to say so on the surface level, it leads to a host of problems for the girl.

The first of these problems is that she is frustrated with her parents for not allowing her to live her life on her own terms. She feels stifled in her own home and can’t wait for the day when she can be on her own. As she is not allowed the freedom she wants, it leads to lower levels of self-confidence and depression.

With the constant enforcement of the idea that once she is married, she is free to fulfill her heart’s desires, she gets married with a lot of unrealistic expectations of her husband. This in and itself, is a problem as she places the responsibility of her happiness on another human being. And when that human being is unable to or will not realize her dreams, it will lead to disappointment and heart break. And one can be sure that it is definitely not a recipe for a happy married life.

Another problem is that it leads to an imbalanced relationship between the husband and wife. Since the notion that her husband will be the source of her fulfillment has been ingrained her in mind, she will come to depend on him for everything. So the relationship becomes less of a partnership where both are equal, to one where one is dependent for everything on the other.

Dear parents, she is your daughter and your responsibility. Do not kill her dreams and aspirations by giving her a false hope that some future Prince Charming is the key to her happiness. Instead, try to provide for her what she wants (as long as it is reasonable and you can afford it) when she is little. And as she grows older guide her as she makes her own choices. Let her go on that outstation college trip. Let her experiment with her looks. Let her have fun with friends. Let her get a job. Let her be happy. Let her be independent. Let her fly.

Image Source: Pexels

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