Conquer The Demons Inside You. True Self Lies Beneath!

It is not that easy to play with words. They wobble and spin in your head before the mot- juste pops out. How frequently our thoughts change. Some indelible, some bedevil, some cozy and some dreamy. Like perennial river inexorable they flow. But when we try to jot them on that white page they vanish. Where you can savour the incense but can’t hold it. And you feel enervated of pushing hard your brain to start with something. That one word, one idea you desperately are dying to start with but in vain.

How frequently had I experienced this and how despondent I feel when I fail to scribble on that white blank page. The one laughing right on me. Looking straight into my eyes. Teasing. Alike bully. Forcing me to believe I am worthless. Trying to embed the belief that writing is not my cup of tea. And then this effort of me of expressing myself truly and rightly is loosening because of my incompetency. Incompetency with words. Incompetency of expressing self.

I feel deserted in my own garden. How desperately had I wanted to be a wannabe writer and how pathetically I lost. Bereaved I feel. And then my brain works in all possible ways to enforce me to give up. Writers are born. Some studied high literature. Some were great at academics. Some had gone to Oxford and others been writing since child. Umpteen reasons arrayed quickly one by one to convince enough to give up.

But then I am not happy. I felt cheated. Cheated by self. How a dream could I see? When I knew there is no corroborate to support it. Only few prizes in local competitions. Few unfinished short stories, few poems and some articles. All kept unnamed, unedited, raw in unknown folder of my old computer desktop. And then a single thought from nowhere hits. But this is what you have always wanted to do. And you cant leave it. You don’t want to die panting and grieving your failure. And you don’t want to live without trying.

So with this sudden burst I rise. Rise again. Elbowing all my devil thoughts I start afresh. With all my collected mettle. To write, write again and write what I feel. This time with more vigour .

I am ready to start my whole new beginning again. Unaware where I shall reach but I will tread this path. For the beauty of the path will be the treasure I shall cherish.

Image via Pixabay

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