‘Sanskaari Girls Don’t Answer Back’ And 9 Other Stone Age Rules I Happily Challenge

Society’s expectations of girls being ‘Sanskaari’ are pathetically Paleolithic, says this hilarious list by the author. Do you see yourself in there?

Now that that’s out of the way loud and clear in bold, you know, the fact that I am NOT ‘so-called’ Sanskaari, let’s get into the “how.” Before I start though, let me just mention here that the poster-child for Sanskaari till a while ago was Alok Nath. Just saying. (Wicked smirk!)

What is Sanskaari then? For men, it looks like all you have to do is wear khadi and smile… a lot! Till the flimsy visage crumbles. At least that’s what dude Alok did.

There are Palaeolithic rules to follow, set behavior patterns to observe, bowing unquestioningly to authority, permissions to be taken, words to be weighed, expressions to reign in, people to please, guilts to be internalized, self to be subsumed in blissful docility and attitudes to be tolerated.

Newsflash: If you ain’t doing even one of those, girl you’re NOT Sanskaari enough. Yup, you’ve got to take in ‘all the layers’ and earn the coveted ‘tag’. You’ve got to start at the very bottom and slog your way up, fawning and feigning. That’s the only way you’ll make the brand. Earn the approving nods. Secure your ‘second citizenship’.

OR…or… you could say “to hell with it, I’ll live my life at my own pace with my own rules, thank you.” I am my own Sanskaari – you know ‘sans’ all the above ‘kalakaari’!

Guess what I did?

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Obvious no? So here are some of the little things I chose to define me. Things that make me happy. Things that I refuse to let go – tag or no tag.

#1:  Sanskaari girls don’t whistle

I do, ever since I was a child. Not that spittle-spraying finger in the mouth stuff, though God knows I’ve tried and after getting drenched in bodily fluids – abandoned!

Not that one, the other one, the sweet, melodious Malabar Thrush kind of whistling. And even if I say so myself I am damn good at it – my “Don’t Worry Be Happy” acapella is seriously swell.

#2: Sanskaari girls don’t laugh loudly

LOL that’s a good one!! Really what would anyone have against laughing out loud? Please explain.

I mean I even “snort” Monica-like if the humor quotient touches the ceiling and that’s a mighty compliment. Come on, you can’t let anyone control your laughter – “Womaniya you can only smile an inch, no teeth, no sound, no real mirth… think Mona Lisa. Okay.” ROTFL. (snort!)

#3: Sanskaari girls don’t drink

Let me get my glass of G&T as I ponder that one. Okay why “don’t drink” why not “don’t drink irresponsibly?” Which is all good in my books.

You’ve got to know your limits. Boundaries can be quite good, but YOU need to set your own boundaries woman. You can legally vote hanh? You can drive a car? You can marry? Hence YOU can set your boundaries too. Mine’s an imaginary trellis of honeysuckle beside which I often nurse my Pinot Noirs.

#4: Sanskaari girls don’t wear jeans

The sub text being they don’t wear any revealing, tight, short, sexy, loud, out-of-the-box, un-Indian clothes, if you please. Interesting.

This one by itself needs a manual to debunk, and I have a word limit. So all I’ll say is – like that much tossed around Whatsapp messages, women do “dress according to their waxing schedules, mood swings, periods, location, weather, matching shoes, matching bags, availability of suitable underwear.” In fact I think the ripped jeans is a genius invention, prefect for a sunny day like today, where’s my baby blue number hiding?

#5: Sanskaari girls don’t answer back

Now we’re talking. Guys, even Alexa is allowed to answer back! If the mighty Lord did not intend womankind to answer back, he would have given us maybe two more breasts instead of a tongue no? That mouth’s there for a reason dude. Not that one you pathetic moron! It’s got other jobs. Much more urgent and soul satisfying.

#6: Sanskaari girls don’t swear

Who the F#@$ came up with that B&%$#@*? I swear, I am gonna get on his case.

Besides the fact that scientific research conclusively proves that “intelligent people swear more,” I also consider it my fundamental right. You can’t put a carte blanche verbal cap on female expression. There’ll be one rule for all, or none at all. Period.

#7: Sanskaari girls don’t talk too much blah, blah, blah

You know what, it’s getting too much. I’ll just take a break, chat up my friends and then tackle this.

One hour 33 Minutes later: Okay I am back. Phew! That was nice – voicing out all the pent up emotions. I feel light… so where were we, ya, “Sanskaari girls don’t talk too much” – that’s once again a scientific anomaly.

Women have what is called the ‘language protein’ in their brains so they are way chattier – it’s tough having to get out anywhere from 13,000 to 20,000 words a day! Naturally girl kids usually reach the ‘talking’ milestone much ahead of boy kids according to research. QED! Let us talk, or we’ll give you some talking to.

#8: Sanskaari girls don’t have ‘boy’ friends

Ouff. This one’s a gem. I often wonder if all this hidden intelligence wasn’t wasted on making up ‘can’t-shouldn’t rules for Sanskaari girls’ and used instead in geophysics perhaps, we would have been on the moon (figuratively as well) ages ago!

To all those who propound this theory anyway, yes, two people of the opposite gender or sex can have a meaningful relationship beyond copulation. That was the ultimate goal of Adam and Eve, true. But today we are in an era of ‘free will’ and ‘equal rights’ where friendships will not be shackled and I am definitely a product of this era.

#9: Sanskaari girls don’t speak about sex

Okay FYI, I just had a talk about ‘sex’ with my teen son (comes up every once in a while according to triggers) and one of my blogs talks about that hushed up topic: female orgasm. So I am a complete gonner on the “sacred Sanskaari scale.”

But once again: Why? Why don’t Sanskaari girls speak about sex? They certainly do it. They certainly have read about it. I am sure they have questions and doubts about it. So why can’t they speak about it? What is with this condemnation or rather “condom-nation” of sex talk? Makes no sense, right?

#10: Sanskaari girls don’t question

Why? Why not? I think, girls, all I want to say here is you don’t need to answer that – you need to QUESTION it!

The important thing is never to stop questioning: Albert Einstein

Ciao girls.

Image source: a still from the film Cocktail

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