Dear Misogynists Of India, I Wish You A Women Free World

No woman deserves to be harassed or slapped or insulted, to be denied her freedom, to be to be stopped from following her heart, to be raped. Misogynists, you don’t deserve women. 

Hi,

No salutations here because I don’t know whether I feel angry or sorry or disgusted. Let’s admit it, we don’t see each other eye to eye. But honestly, sometimes I don’t even know which side I am. Ever since I have known my anxiety and depression, I have realized and acknowledged your presence. Earlier, I thought it was just a few people, but now I know, it’s the whole goddamn system I face every day.

Well, that’s the main reason I haven’t addressed you by any gender. It’s sheer bad luck that I haven’t met a single feminist man in my life but if I have to believe my friends they do exist. But to honestly answer if I have met a misogynist woman, yes, I sure have met plenty of them. Sadly, it includes my own mother and sometimes me as well.

So, it might be a letter to remind myself that next time if I have to support my male relatives or male friends against charges of patriarchy, I need to be extra careful.

To introduce myself, I am a new-born feminist and a mental health advocate. These are not roles I have idolized in my mind since I was little. These are just reactions to everyday events that happen around me. Today, I really feel I can take no more of this and hence, it has to pour out in the form of a vindictive letter.

“Boys will be boys”

A few months back, I watched a movie called Kabir Singh which had a total of 16 dialogues by the lead actress. And while I was so disgusted thinking about this imaginary girl Preeti who despite being a doctor, loved to be instructed like a robot; a number of young girls were swooning over this imaginary boy who didn’t even let her attend a single lecture, make a single friend on her own.

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I somehow can’t help but wonder – if this girl had not given in, what would have been her fate? Would she have been depressed, anxious or suicidal? Who cares as long as the male protagonist fits the typical stereotype of an ideal man? He might be having a temper issue and in need of professional therapy. Again, who cares when you can just whitewash the underlying issue with labeling this as cool, macho, trendy, definitely male, eh?

Ok, you would say, “Grow up! It’s just a movie.” Thank God for that but what about the reality? While the world has acknowledged the power of influencer marketing, you guys are doing a fantastic job growing your tribe leaps and bounds, by releasing irresponsible statements like the following:

Yes, in a state grappling with a horrifying high rate of crime against women, this statement just amplified the awareness of ‘rape’ which seems like nothing but a seemingly harmless yet illegal game of rummy.

“It is women’s fault”

Now you would say, this is 2015 news. Times have changed. I am glad you pointed this out because I would share something fresh out of the oven:

Sorry, for the long screenshot but all parts were equally enlightening. And so has been the fact that there was a crowd present that cheered for this genius. In the comments section, I actually met a few genuinely optimistic people who really expected some logical answer by asking questions like- “What about infants and kids that get assaulted by their own relatives?”

Oh, I know the answer. The producer -actor forgot to mention ‘Chastity Belt’. I am sure in a country like India where people are confused between options A- women empowerment because it seems logical or option B- women suppression because that’s the popular choice; chastity belt can be the product for the future. And I would really like to see it in the next season of Shark Tank.

Even Gods smiled at this news piece and pulled out dark humor through this:

So, if I apply the above logic, the girl committed three mistakes-

• The first one was having a job. Didn’t she know how the majority of women (more than 70%) have taken a wise decision to remain unemployed?
• The second one was being out after the sunset because wild animals are most active in dark.
• The third one was having a mobile phone. If she didn’t have a mobile phone, she wouldn’t have called her sister and cried for help. Police would never have identified her body and found out that she was raped. And our dear producer-actor would have blissfully lived with his wonderful assumption that rapes never happened before women were empowered.

Even this minister agreed when he said:

Don’t even bother to scroll down to the comments section because you have full support there.

Hypocrites everywhere

Yeah, nature and all you know. Reminds me of a childhood incident.

My father’s friend happened to be the director of a government zoo. He rescued a tiger cub once, adopted it and treated it like any other house cat. I remember playing with it. It was cute and all. As it started growing, it became aggressive but still, it never attacked anyone in the family. I just wonder- if we are to respect a man’s nature and remain indoor and be careful as if we are playing some war game; why are these beasts like tigers and lions kept in cages? They are more powerful than man and it’s their nature to kill. So isn’t it absolutely logical to either set these beasts free and blame mankind whenever someone becomes a meal to them or lock men in the cage too?

This discussion certainly takes me back to the hunter-gatherer times when people would live in groups and muscle strength was the only factor. It would be so nice- no global warming, no mind games and at least women in my house would share the house chores. The dreamer in me is too much sometimes, I swear.

Misplaced priorities

Did I hear the word hypocrisy? Let me entertain you with another pick of the day:

My first reaction to such news is:

The nation wants to know.

These are the same people whose sentiments are hurt by song lyrics, books, paintings, etc. They would declare a death sentence for an actress who portrays Padmavati, a fictional character but would blame a rape victim. These people would drive a renowned artist out of his own country only because he painted a goddess without clothes but for men who actually tear women’s clothes, the same people have words of sympathy- “women are responsible too.” How misplaced are our priorities?

These incidents happen every day. People ignore them quoting different reasons. Some would blame the victim, some would cry foul quoting a handful of false cases and when everything else fails, they would just say “Not All Men”. That’s the kind of responsibility we have assumed.

Men who condemn these incidents in the office room call some other women a ‘slut’ while smoking outside the premises. And that’s why sometimes even I hesitate to call myself a ‘feminist’ because even I don’t know what level of hypocrisy I live with. But I know this…. there is something more real than “#NotAllMen” and that’s “#NoWoman”:

#NoWoman deserves to be raped

#NoWoman deserves to be harassed or slapped or insulted

#NoWoman deserves to be denied access to education

#NoWoman deserves to be stopped from following her heart

#NoWoman deserves to be denied her freedom

And that is why I feel you ‘deserve’ a break- from women. Imagine how comfortable your life would be! There is no one to control, no one to crib about. You won’t have to crack sexist jokes. You won’t have to be jealous of ‘the easy life’ they have. You won’t have to protect anyone. You won’t have anyone nagging that you don’t listen or you don’t support them.

And above all, you won’t get a chance to complain about how your roti is not round because you would have to make it. Who knows the world would change the definition of the roti-shape then, so as to suit your perfection!

A version of this was first published here.

Image source: pixabay

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