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I am lazy, short-tempered, ugly, moody, bitter, jealous, greedy, sincere, honest, and emotional. And a lot of other things too. But I am not them.
A few weeks ago, I came across an old photograph of mine. Basically, a passport size photo I retrieved from the farthest corner of my purse. A chubby teenager with bushy eyebrows and oil shoulder-length hair stared back at me.
The first thought that struck me on seeing my old photo was one of relief. Thank God, I no longer look like the ugly duckling in the photograph. Sure, I ain’t a beautiful swan but at least I look presentable now.
Pleased with that thought, I peered down closely at my former self. A lump formed in my throat as I thought about the girl I left behind forever. In a time that I can never go back to.
As I pondered over it, I couldn’t help but notice the other changes that the teenager in the photo underwent as she transitioned into a woman. A barrage of questions raised their head at me.
Am I still that innocent girl who trusted people blindly and thought evil existed only in books and movies? No! I now know that evil lurks everywhere and people are not to be trusted easily. But I also believe that the world would have come to an end if goodness had ceased to exist.
Am I still that girl who dreamed that the world was within her grasp? No! It’s just that the dreams have changed. I still dream but they no longer contain only myself. Now, I dream for my kids and my family.
Am I still that girl who has hitherto been untouched by grief and loss? The answer to this question is a big NO! Life has shown me things that I never expected to see. And caused me pain that still lingers and refuses to go away.
It has changed the course of my life in such a manner which is beyond my wildest dreams or imaginations. I have cried into my pillows, in front of my family, well-wishers and also in front of God. Never in my life have I felt so enraged or helpless. I have vented out my anger and frustration on anyone and everyone. And cursed my fate, raved and ranted at the unfairness of it all.
But in the end, I have accepted life with all its terms and conditions. And in doing so, I have not only emerged stronger but victorious too.
So, if you ask me, who am I?
I would say I am lazy, short-tempered, ugly, moody, bitter, jealous, greedy, sincere, honest, and emotional. And a lot of other things that are an integral part of my personality. But I am not them.
I am a warrior! That’s who I am.
Each time life knocks me down, I wail loudly and then stand up on shaking legs. Every time, life throws a cruel blow at me, I make sure to punch back at it with equal grit and determination.
Because grieved and hurt I maybe, I am not a coward. I won’t leave the battlefield without fighting till my last breath.
That’s a promise I made to myself. A promise I live by every day.
I no longer fear life. In face, I love life. Because deep down I know that I will be given only what I can handle.
A fighter and a believer! Unapologetically, unabashedly, remorseless ME!
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie NH 10
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