If You’re In Love, Aim For A ‘Happy’ Relationship Rather Than The ‘Perfect’ One!

While being in love is great, expecting your relationship to be ‘perfect’ is not! However, why not aim for a happy relationship instead of a perfect one?

Being in a relationship filled with love for each other is great. But what’s your take on being in a ‘healthy and happy relationship’ with your spouse? Holding hands and walking on a misty morning or grabbing your partner’s hand across the dinner table; or the moment you turn and pull your partner close to you in the middle of the night; the surprise gifts, the sneaky visits amidst office hours. Now all these might sound absolutely romantic and probably will speak about the love you have towards your spouse, more dramatically. But wait!

I understand admiring or loving your spouse with all your heart happens quite naturally. But the important lesson here is not losing the balance in your life and that includes you and your spouse. Even showering too much love (or read “in the name of love”) can sometimes make you feel toxic and may even destroy your inner peace.

Love is important but so is space

No matter how much we love someone, no one has an obligation to give themselves and completely lose their individuality. Love is more than the toxic and destructive behaviour. Relationships happen with the hope that either of them believe that the other person will make their life better.

The ‘space’ is needed in every relationship. That’s what genuine love is. Love is actually about letting the other person happy in their own space at times and you being the added bonus in their life. There is no such thing as perfect relationship. But certain efforts makes the relationship happier.

So what should you actually do? And what is too much to expect from your spouse?

Compromise really is essential for marriage. Everything isn’t going to go your way every single time. You won’t win every argument and you certainly won’t always get your voice heard all the time.

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Ask yourself ‘is the argument worth a fight?’

When you have an argument, look at the situation and ask yourself, if it is worth the fight. If the outcome is worth the aggravation and heartache it’ll cause? And if it is not, take a breath and take some time to think.

But not everything works when you try to disconnect yourself fearing an argument. Talk to your spouse after a while. Tell them with your heart wide open what you feel and if you feel suffocated with certain things. Every situation doesn’t deserve an argument, but every argument needs a clarification so your spouse would at least take a moment to understand what you need.

Sacrificing for your spouse’s happiness is good. But it should never be a one-way traffic. Once your spouse happens to be the sole receiver of your sacrifice, they might get used to it. And over time, they might take advantage of it. Respect each other’s interests and feelings. Be empathetic. Listen to your spouse.

With all these going around, take control over your individuality, because losing yourself in your marriage just means you are losing the rest of your life. Perfection is a cliche, but happiness exists right there, take charge over it. Nobody creates happiness for you unless you start it.

A version of this was earlier published here.

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Ok Jaanu

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