Would We Still Freak Out If Our Moms Find Condoms Or Pregnancy Test Kits In Our Bags?

Talking to Indian parents about sex even today is one of the most mortifying issues for a lot of us. But isn’t it time that changed?

Scrolling through YouTube is currently the one thing that seems to be keeping me some semblance of sane. And it was during one such scroll session that I came across comedian Aishwarya Mohanraj’s video on how her mom found her pregnancy test.

Hilarious and relatable, the video instantly took me back to that one-time, years ago when my mum found condoms in my bag! (Unused ones, of course!) I shudder thinking of the conversation that took place that day.

Why am I not ‘allowed’ to have casual but safe sex?

So I sat there, trying hard to come up with an excuse and told her the lamest one ever – ‘Our college handed these out for a sex awareness drive.’ Surprisingly, that worked! But it didn’t stop her from asking me if I were having sex and expressing her displeasure at it, even though I denied it.

This new video made me think a lot about this particular incident. And how, despite being close to my mum, I still can’t discuss sex, or the other assorted subjects related to it. I did grow up in a comparatively open family and my mum explained the birds and bees to me when I was around 10 or so. I knew how babies were made.

Yet, even as an adult, I wasn’t allowed to partake in the process – sex was always something done to create babies and not for pleasure. Sex was and still is a taboo.

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

Even today, the mere mention of ‘sex’ makes us uncomfortable

But in a country with a population of 135.26 crores, can we really say sex is a taboo? We are the supposed country of the Kamasutra and yet here we are – embarrassed each time we see a Kamasutra condom ad on the TV!

I remember trying to have a conversation with my mom about sex and it got pretty awkward pretty fast. Things like it’s not our Indian culture and how it doesn’t fit with our values were said. And till date, I have no idea why not!

One reason I could think of about this was probably the infantilisation of kids by their parents, which honestly, is quite a toxic trait. Often, our parents refuse to believe that we have grown up and that we MAY be doing the ‘dirty.’ While it does stem from a good place of care, it mostly just brings us down and making you feel guilty each time you do something you know they may not approve of!

is it normal to feel super guilty when you first get sexually intimate w someone because your parents have raised you to believe that sexual intimacy should be reserved for one special person and is inappropriate before marriage or am I the only one

— RaapchikNeighBae (@teaventi_) August 11, 2020

The lying and hiding of relationships may have been fun and thrilling as a teen but now, it just seems wrong and weird. And all this because my parents can’t accept me as a human person with normal human desires!

Do we still need to wait for ‘the one’ to have sex with?

And the third and most important reason for this taboo around sex that I can think of is the great and most revered (whispers) virginity! How dare I ‘give’ the most important part of my ‘honour’ to just some random man I met on a dating app instead of giving it to another random man my parents found! Let me be super clear here, I am NOT against, arranged marriages. (Though Indian Matchmaking has me wondering if I really want to go down that path!) But I am just against the double standards of sleeping with someone when I want to as opposed to waiting for marriage to do so.

Really, why do we need to wait for ‘the one’ to have sex with? Isn’t it time we stopped making having sex such a taboo? It only leads to repressed sexual desires and a lot of confused people when they finally do have sex!

So, parents, if you find condoms or pregnancy test kits in your children’s bags, talk to them about it! And try to understand why they hid it from you! (Also, maybe be glad they used protection!)

To the ‘kids’ if you ARE having sex, use protection, please! And try talking to your parents about it, who knows they might surprise you with their ‘chill-ness!’

Picture credits: YouTube

Comments