Raising Girls To Be ‘Grateful’ For What Should Be Their Right Creates Women Who Tolerate Abuse

Our girls are raised to feel ‘grateful’, growing up into women conditioned to feel guilty about prioritizing themselves before their parents, spouse or children.

A woman is always ‘allowed’

~ “I am grateful to my parents that they loved me unconditionally despite me being their third daughter.”

~ “I am so lucky that my husband and in-laws allowed me to work.”

~ “I am so thankful to my parents that let me study and pursue my dreams and did not pressurize me for marriage once I turned 22.”

~ “My husband baby-sits our children when I am out with my friends on a Friday night. I am so lucky.”

~ “My son helps me in the household chores and my friends and relatives say I am fortunate to have a son like this.”

~ “My husband helped my daughter with her homework when I had fever. I am so blessed.”

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~ “I didn’t feel like cooking today, so we ordered food from outside. I feel so guilty giving my family outside food.”

~ “Thank God for my stars that I have a mother-in-law who treats me so well unlike so many women

~ “I watched my favorite series while my husband put our kids to sleep. God bless him.”

~ “I was so lucky that I grew up in an environment where my parents did not differentiate between me and my brother. We were given equal opportunities.”

~ “My husband ‘allowed’ me to go and take care of my dad when he was hospitalized. I am so thankful to him.”

Told to ‘be thankful’

How many times have we heard these from women from all walks, all strata of life?

Girls/women are raised and conditioned in such a manner that they are thankful to each and everyone for ‘allowing’ them to exist, work, rest, party! How often do we hear men being thankful for ‘allowing’ them to live the way they want to? For most boys/men it’s a way of life, but still for many girls/women it’s their good fortune.

Girls are told to be thankful for what they actually deserve or have the full right to. Girls have the right to take birth, to study, to think, to pursue their dreams pre or post marriage, to work or not work post babies, to take a day off, to order food from outside rather than slogging in the kitchen, to be taken care of!

We want to ‘live our lives’!

When parents support their daughters to study or a divorced daughter the society applauds the parents, but tell me if the parents don’t support the ones whom they gave birth to then who else will support?

If a husband, who has taken the vows to protect and support his wife doesn’t share the responsibilities or support her then who else will?

When a son helps his mother in household chores, why do we need to applaud him? Shouldn’t it be the way of life?

Women are conditioned to feel guilty about prioritizing themselves before their parents, spouse or children. That’s the reason they feel so ‘blessed’ or ‘fortunate’ when these people support her or share her responsibilities.

Real women empowerment will be the day when women start to live their life without feeling obliged or guilty. For once, they should be thankful only to themselves for fighting out all the challenges and balancing every role so well.

Image source: a still from the film Secret Superstar

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