He Was Excused For Being A New Dad; But Wasn’t She Also Coping As A New Mom?

Each time she would ask her husband for help, he would say, “I am a new Dad. I will mature with time.” He would laugh it off.

Yes, her new baby rocked!

But Misha’s life as a new mom was rocky. She felt depressed with the breastfeeding, work, and losing the baby weight. The intense pressure from her doctors, friends, and family to nurse the baby was making her feel unnatural. Being tense and frustrated was not doing her any good.

She sought help from a lactation consultant and other moms who had nursed their kids.

New dad, yes, but what about the new mom?

While she struggled daily, she watched her husband living the usual life he lived before. Having a baby, she thought, would bring her closer to him. But it wasn’t anything like that. Each time she would ask her husband for help, he would say, “I am a new Dad. I will mature with time.” He would laugh it off.

Like most new mothers, she felt that her husband didn’t understand just how challenging it was to care for a baby 24/7. Why couldn’t he try? Instead would always resent having to take on most of the household and baby-care chores.

Her husband, meanwhile, felt more pressure than ever to succeed at his job and provide financially for the family. The mood in the house was anything but warm, fuzzy, or romantic.

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She communicated less with him about her struggles and need for his help, and if she did, he kept saying,”I need to mature.”

Although he too felt the heaviness in his heart.

I don’t want a second baby

Three years passed and Misha gained her old self back. Her baby was less dependent on her. Her relationship with her husband got better.

One day her husband said to her, “Looks like it’s time for another baby.”

Suddenly everything flashed across her mind.

She asked him, “Have you matured now?”

“Of course. What do you mean?” he questioned.

“I almost lost myself waiting for you to grow up. In the meantime, our baby grew up!” A silent tear trickled down from the corner of her eye.

There was a heaviness in her heart which she still carried.

He wiped her tears and said, “Darling I didn’t realise this! I thought you were busy and you were doing just fine.”

“I cannot have another baby,” she sobbed. “One is enough for me. I cannot wait for my husband to mature until my baby grows up. I cannot do things alone all over again!”

With a heavy heart he said,”I was dealing with all the finances and work pressure too. I should have spoken to you and listened to you too. We have lost on the most precious years of our lives in which we could have done things together and enjoyed it.”

Author’s Note: To all new parents: Communication is the key. It’s not about I, Me and Myself. It is about We, Ours and Us! Bringing a new life into the world is no joke. Both parents should discuss their problems and happiness with each other. Nobody is doing less or more. If one is taking care of finances, the other is the primary caregiver of a new born. Together, with communication, responsibilities can be shared beyond gender roles. Only through communication can one understand what the other is going through. Assuming things only gives way to sorrow.

First published here.

Image source: shutterstock

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