It Took Me A Pandemic To Realise The Liberating Feeling Of Letting Go!

I was always in control, trying to keep things prim and proper when I realised I needed a break. And letting go was precisely what I needed!

My husband has a very easy-going way of existence and I really don’t know how he pulls it off. I need everything to be kept, done and happening in a certain way.

For example, when I keep dirty clothes to wash, I fold them and arrange them in the laundry basket. My husband, on the other hand, aims his clothes at the basket, misses it mostly and leaves it lying down next to the basket.

Then came 2020, with the pandemic, lack of maids, the never-ending housework and a house arrest with a preschooler who has the energy of a raging tornado. I tried everything in my power to keep things under control. From working weird hours to making sure everything was clean and proper, to ensuring people are on a routine, I tried doing it all.

I realised I really needed to let go

There were times when my voice felt hoarse as I blurted out commands to the people in the house so that everything stayed in place. To add to it, I needed to also take care of deciding the menu, ordering grocery, completing homework, making arts and crafts for school, the list is endless.

I took control, kept things prim and proper and found myself at the end of a meltdown. That’s when I reached a point where I just could not do anything anymore. I realised I needed a break. From everything. And so one day I decided to just let go.

I did not cook but ordered in. When I did cook, I cooked the most basic food. I let the toys scattered on the floor remain there. My child was so elated, she ran around berserk, and I let her. Amused, my husband watched me as I lay in bed sleeping peacefully amidst the chaos. That is so not me! But that day, I realised, there is immense peace in letting go.

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I’ve always wondered how people just let go since I always held on to everything. Until then, I never had the ‘devil may care attitude.’ But let me tell you, letting go works! The rejuvenation that I craved for so long I received it in one hour the day I just let things be.

Trust me, letting go does help

I have always envied people who placed everything in God’s hands and live peacefully trusting his decisions. As Krishna says ‘Do your duty and do not worry about results.’ But I always wondered if one is not ‘worried’ about results where will the motivation to work come from?

Secondly placing everything in Gods hands really scares me. Every time I prayed for something I never got it but got something much better instead. But the time between ‘praying’ and ‘seeing what I want, pass me by’ and ‘getting something better’ was so unnerving for me, I stopped praying elaborately. Prayer for me now is just a ‘Hello God’ and ‘Thank you.’ I skip the details.

But letting go, trusting the process and trying not to be in control of everything is liberating. Not only for your mind but also for your body and soul. After a long time that day, I felt just like I had when as a child I slept off in my father’s arms in the midst of late-night dinner parties somewhere. The conversations, clinking of cutlery and the aroma of food faded away while I rested with the assurance that I am in protective hands. Just letting go.

I am sure I would never reach my husband’s proficiency where I just aim laundry at the basket and take solace in the fact that ‘the machine would undo the carefully folded creases.’ But I am sure to have understood the importance of loosening my control over things. If you are someone who loves things to be your way just try letting go. The peace that comes with it will leave you elated. To add to it, it is really worth your mental health and sanity.

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