Pull Up Those Abusive Perverts; Women Aren’t The Only Torchbearers Of Your ‘Sanskaar’

Women are being lectured about ‘sanskaar’ by anyone who feels like it, but who will teach these men who abuse, a good lesson?

It was just a normal day and I was going about my regular chores. I heard my mobile phone ring and saw an unknown number. This was not one of those regular numbers of promotional calls and hence I answered the call.

The caller sounded genuinely concerned and informed me about my card being blocked and so on. Having already heard about such scams, I got alert and probed him further. Since I anyway didn’t have any intention of providing the details he was asking for, I said that I would go to the branch and get it sorted out. He persisted for the information and I vehemently denied refused to provide it.

Women easy targets of abuse and policing?

We are in 2021. I live in a metro and am an educated and independent freelancer. Yet, I am such an easy target for men to indulge in such frivolous and abusive language.

Of course, I am not supposed to get rattled over a scamster’s, abuser’s call; but it makes me wonder.

While it is so easy for all and sundry to give ‘sanskaar’ lectures to the girls and women, right from the jeans that they wear to the time that they step out of their homes, when are our men going to start getting lectures on behaving well with the women? Or is the onus of ‘sanskaar’ only on the women folk, while some men go abusing and indulging in perverted behaviour with women?

It is so easy for men to just get their frustration off by being abusive or using vulgar language and at the same time keep blaming women for all the wrong that men can possibly do.

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Entitled men

Spare us this ‘sanskaar’ responsibility. Look beyond us at those who are actually responsible. It is not our clothes, it is basically the mentality.

When this scamster spoke to me and abused me, were my ‘clothes’ responsible for his behaviour or did I probably instigate him by behaving in a ‘provocative’ manner?

The man took the liberty of abusing me because he probably is one of those many entitled men who think that women are meant to be treated the way they want to and this has nothing to do with our clothes and our choices. It is the attitude of our patriarchal society which thinks that men have to ‘allow’ women to pursuit their interests after marriage, that the men have to ‘agree’ to take care of the girl’s parents after marriage and so on. (Any surprises that 30.9% of the crimes reported in 2019 were reported as ‘cruelty by husbands and relatives’).

What if I were a man – would he still be as vulgar?

Would the caller have used such obscene language if there was a guy in place of me? No. He chose to do so with a woman because his feeling of ‘entitlement’ and ‘right’ to behave as he pleases.

It is sad that women are such easy targets and even sadder that it is we who keep hearing rules of ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’. For a change, please educate the boys that women are not just meant to be objectified, abused or slept around. We are equally entitled to all the possible rights and privileges that men have. We are more than our face, body and clothes. We have a mind of our own and although minimal, our contribution to the GDP amounts to 17%, and yet time and again we get to hear ‘advice’ on our clothes.

Of course, there may be men too who have been stalked, abused and harassed unnecessarily. However instances like this and comments of erstwhile ministers on women and their choices make us feel that we, as a society have a long way to go in terms of respecting our women and their choices. Upholding the moral fabric of the society is not just a woman’s responsibility and the sooner we realize the better it is.

Image source: a still from the film Kabir Singh

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