If Kanyadaan Exists Then Why Not Introduce Putradaan As Well?

‘Kanyadaan’ is a Sanskrit word that means giving away the daughter. But is she a commodity? If we have kanyadaan, why not putradaan also?

In Indian marriages, it is an extremely emotional moment for the bride’s parents to perform the kanyadaan ritual. I nurture immense respect for some rituals that were carried out by our ancestors and are practiced even today.

However, the ritual of ‘Kanyadaan’ highlights the dominance of patriarchal society. What is the need for a custom that glorifies giving away your daughter as if she is a commodity?

The groom is considered an incarnation of Lord Vishnu, while the bride is considered Goddess Lakshmi, the deity of wealth and prosperity. Hence, the performance of this ritual ‘forgives’ the sins of the bride’s parents.

The father places the daughter’s hand in the groom’s hand followed by  mantras recited by the wedding priest. Since the meaning of the ritual is giving away the daughter, it is always an emotional moment for the bride’s parents and relatives.

Why does the identity of a daughter have to be erased for her to become a wife?

The name and the bizarre necessity of this ritual confuses me. It brings so many questions to my mind. Does kanyadaan exemplify the bride as a commodity? Is she no longer her parent’s daughter and has no rights in her childhood home?

Does society then cut off her identity as a daughter? Why is the groom considered superior to the bride? A bride can also be self-reliant and independent!

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The times are changing and so should the rituals…

In earlier days, parents adhered to this ritual as women in those times lacked education and exposure. They were dependent on their husbands for financial sustenance. They had less connectivity with their parent’s homes due to the lack of communication and transport facilities. So, the bride’s parents always relied on the groom’s family for taking care of their daughter.

Nevertheless, these days with modern beliefs and women being relatively liberated and self-reliant, following the same rituals hampers their self-esteem. Following centuries old rituals in modern times upholds and encourages the patriarchal thought process.

If kanyadaan exists, let’s introduce putradaan as well!

The beauty behind rituals rests in their equality. These rituals can also be blended a bit so that the values remain explicit and display the beauty of equality in marriage.

Marriage is a bond between two people who take oaths to live their life together. So, I believe that ‘putradaan’ should also become a ritual, wherein the groom’s parents perform the same ceremony for their son.

It will then exhibit that the parents on both sides will give away their children to each other. A son also becomes a son-in-law and will take equal responsibility as a daughter takes when becoming a daughter-in-law. In this way, we will not only preserve the auspicious ritual but also demonstrate the beauty of marriage equality.

Image source: Dia Mirza wedding pics from Instagram