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I saw this news of a celeb couple abusing each other on social media. My heart wailed for the woman who was hit. Why do women stay in toxic relationships?
Trigger warning: This post contains details of domestic abuse which may be triggering to survivors or certain audiences.
Even if it’s a celebrity couple, “when you don’t know someone personally, it’s better not to comment” is something I follow strictly. Well, going by the turnout of events my heart wailed at the plight of this woman who was hit so badly (going by her words) by the person she loved so much at one point in time.
The woman’s head was banged against the wall, and a band aid bore testimony to the grave act. Hats off to her for coming out in the open, a route she should have taken much before instead of being a silent sufferer to the toxic relationship. I wondered why other women are unable to expose and leave such relationships.
No doubt they being a celebrity couple, it was apparent that their story will grab the limelight, but what about so many other women out there who are going through a similar plight and still don’t dare to come out in the open?
Utterly devastated, their mind tells them to act, but still, they refrain from taking any step, and by the time they agree, they would have suffered a lot in this strained relationship. If we analyse a bit about this procrastination on their part, we can see that many reasons create a storm in the woman’s mind holding her back.
What will I do without him! Fear of being alone in this whole wide world pushes many women to think in the said manner. They feel it won’t be possible to lead an independent life without their better half and refrain from voicing their concerns.
Sometimes their heart makes them aware of the moments well spent, and they seem to let go of the heinous deeds of their significant other as such. However, it is high time that we should realize our self-worth. Nobody has the right to offend us, and if they do, it’s imperative on our part to raise our voice there and then.
He is the father of my child! Well, if he is the father of your child, he is your husband. If he doesn’t respect you, how do you think he will fulfil his obligations towards his child?
Being a father doesn’t give him the generic right to go away with his evil deeds. On top of it, if he doesn’t mend his ways now, then his kids will hate it when they grow up. So women, in this case, instead of thinking emotionally, should take a practical, viable decision.
What will society say? Many women still feel coming out in the open about a bad husband will ruin their public image. They cannot be blamed too, because our society loves to see a happily married couple who tend to stick together through good times and bad.
The theory of “till death do us apart” seems to have been engraved so deep in our hearts that we hardly can relate to a divorce or a broken marriage. But we should know that onlookers have the habit of commenting on any damn thing.
We are not answerable to society; instead, our deeds should be governed by self-respect and dignity.
Many women who want to exit a toxic relationship fear they will be an embarrassment for their parents. One of my friends recently confided in me, stating, “I have wanted for a long time to walk away, but my parents pressurize me to stay in this marriage citing numerous reasons.”
No doubt, it fumed my anger, and I said, “How can they say this? Aren’t they able to empathize with their daughter?” Sad to say, still, some people think that way.
Parents follow old-school approaches and might have some genuine concerns, but none can justify the bawl of a devastated soul. They are not the ones who are suffering, it is you. The sooner you realize the same, the better it is.
Maybe he will mend his ways? No doubt, being optimistic and having a positive frame of mind holds good in certain situations. But not when the other person is abusive and hardly cares about your feelings and wellbeing.
You just can’t wear a “Forgiver’s hat” every single time and hope that maybe someday he will have an awakening. Time is precious, and every single second given to a bitter relationship is only going to multiply your woes.
But, I am not economically independent. You may not be economically independent today, but that should not limit you from making a decision. You may not be that well off without your spouse, but at least you can breathe in the open without having to surrender to his brutality.
Once you have the determination waved with strings of confidence, nobody can stop you from achieving the impossible and doing all that you had urged for. In addition to the ones stated above, there might be many other reasons that might be deterring one’s courage and limiting the willingness to act.
Still, one should never forget that marriage is a bond between two individuals, and its longevity depends on mutual trust, respect, and support. If that isn’t there, then there’s no point in being a mute spectator to a toxic relationship.
Image source: A still from Thappad
A former Banking and SAP professional, I love scribbling my thoughts. Mother to two boys, I believe life is all about creating oneself. read more...
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