Often The Most Gentlemanly Of Men In Society Could Be Abusive Husbands…

There are many, many girls like Seema who are stuck in loveless, abusive marriages; the abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, financial.

Trigger Warning: This has domestic violence and may be triggering for survivors.

Seema was the quintessential positive, talkative lady in the office.

In the family gatherings, Seema beti, Seema bhabhi would be the ‘jaan’ of the family. Everyone envied her perfect family life. Only Seema knew that everything that people believed was a facade.

Most mornings, when she would be leaving for her office her husband would either throw the breakfast, yell and abuse her, slap her, or hit her.  She would hide the scars of her hands and legs by wearing full-sleeves kurta and chudidar. The red mark on her face would be camouflaged by makeup. Her children would go disturbed to the school every morning.  Even her own parents did not know that she was tormented.

Why did she take this abuse?

Many would ask why didn’t Seema walk out?

The apparently progressive society isn’t still that progressive. The apparently strong parents are still not that strong.

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There are many, many girls like Seema who are stuck in loveless, abusive marriages; the abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, financial. The husband can be the most well-mannered CEO of an organization whom people would label as the ‘perfect’ husband material. Abusers don’t have a particular ‘look’, do they?

In Seema’s case, her husband would threaten to kill her and her children dare she tried to complain against him or try to move out. He had kept the finances under his control. He earned a lot more than Seema, her children studied in an expensive international school. Seema earned almost one-third of what her husband earned. More than money, it was the threat to the life to her children that scared her to take the next step.

She had tried to convey her agony to her parents, but like most Indian parents fearing society her parents pretended not to understand and always asked her to adjust stating that things will get better.  But perpetrators never get better, do they?

Don’t judge by what you see…

So, next time you envy a woman, judge her, are rude to her, belittle her, ridicule her; just be a little mindful.  You never know that the smiling woman standing next to you might have scars, might have just be been abused physically, might have been yelled at or abused verbally, might be carrying only 100 rupees or lesser in her wallet, might have been asked to “adjust” for the nth time by her parents.

Be a little kind to every woman you meet..she might be hiding both physical and emotional scars…and if you come to know of her reality try to help her.

Image source: a still from the film English Vinglish

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