One Of Life’s Greatest Dilemmas…When To End A Relationship & When To Stay!

Relationships are like bread and butter. Or maybe rice and daal. Yes they could be like the Rajbhog or French macaroons too, but the ones that are in and out of our lives, don’t have the ‘wow’ factor; at least not on a daily basis.

Nonetheless they are essential, and they are good for us. They keep us healthy (mentally, emotionally and even physically! ); they keep us alive and keep us going. However, relationships too, like food,can turn sour or bitter or even rotten.

Be it between friends, siblings, professional colleagues or husband-wife – relationship dynamics are bound to change. People change, the environment which supports a relationship changes and as a result the bond changes, sometimes for the better and want it or not, sometimes for the worse. In such a situation how do we know when to stay or when to quit?

Relationships either come with commitment or attachment or a little of both or a lot of both!

Each is a kind is its own beast to kill I guess, when it comes to calling quits.

Relationships which come with just ‘commitment’ could be something with a colleague; someone you see everyday. And if the colleague is someone you just can’t stand, it’s tough to even be cordial.

However in most jobs, we don’t work in silos. Sometimes to get work done, one has to approach that person. I guess these are the times where we either put on a ‘facade’ and if that’s not possible, quit the job. To me these are the easiest kind of relationships to quit or handle, if need be.

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Then the relationships which come with ‘attachment’. Friends fall into this category. Friends are one of the very few relationships which are completely our own choice. And a friendship doesn’t come with a signed contract or the bond of ‘blood’.

Hence on the face of it, they seem to be the ones where we have the most choice. To stay or to leave. However calling quits here might still not come easy! There is a history of time spent and memories built. A part of us might refuse to accept that the same person whom we loved and adored and just not good for us now.

If the bond has gone sour due to misunderstandings, an effort to express why one is hurt to the other person, should always be taken…

But if that does not help, then it’s always better out than in!

(S says)

Wish it were that easy to end a relationship! And you can be sure the scars still remain…

I think relationships, like most important things in life, take work. Especially the ones that matter. Getting in (or out) may be the easier part.

Making relationships work, even thrive…that’s harder.

People change with time. As close as two people may be in the relationship, the challenges they face would be completely different. Life happens. And people emerge completely differently out of it. Expecting the relationship to remain the same is asking too much.

If at such a time maybe all the person who changes wants is the one person to stand by them forever…whom they can take for granted always. That may be harder for the other person to deal with at such a time. Then what is one to do? Asking them to ‘stand by them’ sounds well and good, but harder to implement. And as you reach a breaking point…the relationship reaches a breaking point too.

But that’s life isn’t it?

As time passes, wounds would heal. Perhaps one day your paths would cross once again, either unknowingly or deliberately.

And if then you choose to re-enter that relationship again, I suppose only then was it meant to be…

(R says)

That is an amazing point S…if one chooses to re-enter that’s when it was meant to be…

 However what if you end a relationship, where you’ve been with the person for a long time and then it falls apart? A spouse or a relationship which has seen lots of winters (and springs and summers ); a relationship which while it lasted was a lot of commitment and attachment involved. Can that ever be revived if paths ever cross again? 

I guess only time can tell. Relationships, like people themselves, are way more complicated than black or white. They are shades of grey. Shades of pink, purple blue and red as well!