I Realized That There’s No Definition To Friendships

Life seems better and a lot easier with a friend by your side, but are friendships forever?

I make friends easily. But while I make friends easily I never can keep them. This is because I have mostly changed places throughout my life. I envy people when they say that they have gone to kindergarten together and had been together till their old age. ‘How is that even possible?’ I wonder.

 But I guess some people are destined to be so while the others end up wanderers like me. I have been to kindergarten with one set of people, been in high school with another set, and been to college  yet another. 

This pattern has, however unveiled some important things about human relationships to me.

• Common ground:

Friendships thrive where there is a common ground. We naturally connect with people we feel an inclination towards. But that inclination would stay fired up only if one still shared a common ground. Everyone with that childhood friend has the same memories, the same vibe that they connect with. Those who change places instantly fall into the stranger zone. 

For example, I had a best friend in school. She was the first person I called my best friend. But as usual, I had to change schools. Still, we were determined to stay best friends forever.

We exchanged letters for a few years. We met up whenever we could. But after a point of time, the letters stopped and gradually also the effort to meet up stopped.

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We both started to bond with people who were not long-distance and in that comfort zone of immediate emotional gratification, our friendship was lost. 

We still connect on social media at times, but when we do, there are nothing best friends about us. I have always believed that friendships remain the same, but trust me they do not. Maybe you have the same goodwill and love towards the other person, but there’s something missing.

I do not understand human relationships and I always believed that friendships should remain the same. But people actually change. Staying away from a friend actually makes you a stranger. And no matter how much you try a formality would always come in. It has broken my heart many times to meet an old friend who meets me back with the formality of a stranger.

• Tackling Loneliness:

But there are also those ones who stay your friend irrespective of who you are, where you are and no matter which part of the globe you are in at the moment.

I have a couple of people in my life who, no matter how many times I have moved, irrespective of what I am doing have remained the same.

These are the ones who make me believe that maybe the whole friendship thing is not just a fantasy. But the catch is, one needs to really make an effort to keep the friendship going.

Coming back to me changing places constantly, I have often faced an extreme kind of loneliness.With the advice of my good friends far away ,I had tried making new friends in new places.

I tried going out with people I shared nothing with. Just because it was good to have another human to talk to. I had tried socializing in many creative places where you meet like-minded people with the same creative pursuits.

But I realized that friendships cannot be forced. One cannot try to fit in where one does not belong to. 

Then there are these other women who I can connect with, but because they have so much going on in their lives, like a set of separate family friends, they constantly hang out with our immediate family members and relatives taking up most of their time that I felt like an intruder in their lives. Trust me, this feeling of exclusion only makes your loneliness worse.

 Finally decided to stop the chase!

So I finally decided to stop the chase. I decided to blend myself into the pattern that my life has always shown. I decided to show up, meet up, socialize with no strings attached.

I met people only to forget them. I changed places only to leave again. I stopped looking for homes in places, people, and experiences. It was emotionally hard.

Quite interestingly, in this space, I found like-minded people who are wanderers just like me. I found my husband among the wanderers. I also found wanderers who wander together meaning, I found friendships that span across places.

 I finally found my tribe of people who do not need a shared history to be friends, but just that spark in the other that ignites yours. Finally, I realized that there’s no definition to friendships. Sometimes, one just needs to think out of the definition and surrender to what life brings to you; and trust me when you surrender, you hit the bull’s eye.

Image Source: Angry Indian goddesses

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