‘I am Leaving My Husband As I Cannot Bear A Daughter/Son With Him’ Said No Woman Ever!

Why women seeking divorce don’t get the support they deserve? People around them support them to go ahead with the divorce and desert that woman without an ounce of remorse. Even if the girl’s family had spent a fortune on getting her married and forces her to stay with the husband, she is pushed away mercilessly since she ‘does not deserve the husband’.

Let us have a look at some common reasons why men divorce their wives

Not giving birth to a boy – though it is their chromosomes decide that.

Not being able to conceive a child – even without finding out who has the infertility.

For not being good in bed – though the women’s needs are ignored.

For not taking care of his family which may include his parents, brothers, sisters, or their extended family – though he may never bother to support or help her family.

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For not doing the chores – though he may laze around without helping her.

For dressing inappropriately – though he may well walk around in an underwear.

For being of loose morals – there are no loose morals for men.

For a woman, no reason is good enough to walk away from her marriage

Everyone jumps to advise the woman to refrain from taking this drastic step. She is advised to not destroy her family and her parent’s reputation and spoil her life. If she has children, the pressure is multiplied trifold.  Now change this situation to women seeking divorce.

Her husband is infertile – No test is targeted at him.

He is impotent – How can you say that?

He is not dedicated to a job – don’t pressurize him. That will lead him down the wrong path.

Her in-laws meddle with her life – They are elders, respecting them is her duty.

Her husband is abusive – women have seen worse and yet finally their patience has paid off.

He has an affair – Yet he has not left you for her.

He doesn’t care for her or provide for her – You can ask your parental family for help.

Doesn’t help in chores around the house even a bit – How shameless can you be to expect it?

Doesn’t allow her to visit her family often – You are given away now. Why do you want to visit them at all?

Is a drunkard – But he does love and care for you right?

Hits the wife – Do not provoke him.

Doesn’t allow her to work – Good for you. Let him provide for you and children. You can relax and take care of home.

Why will you not support me? – Breaking a home is a sin.

Unfair practice of blaming women for the divorce

These are just a few examples of real-life situations I have seen or observed as a counsellor. The list would be unending with trivial reasons working as a strong case for divorcing a wife whereas even very horrendous crimes by husband or in-laws are not enough for a woman to get her divorce peacefully.

The sad part is the lack of support and rejection she receives even from her very close friends or family members.

One of the very unfair practices is that of men blaming women giving birth to daughters. Even with science advancing and even children knowing that it’s the Y chromosome (from the male partner) that decides the gender of a boy, the blame game has not changed.

Yet, we never hear a woman divorce her husband for not giving her either a son or a daughter. No matter how much we progress, the illogical and patriarchal norms cannot be combated easily.

Image source: Still from Thappad

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