I Have Died Thousand Times Before He Died…

Naina opened her husband’s cupboard, she starts feeling his blue shirt hanging amidst different shades of blue shirts, rubbing it on her hands, sensing the fragrance of his favourite mist. He is particular about things he chooses in life, unlike his wife. 

(It was a gathering of Sudhanshu’s masi, his cousin sisters that day.)

Let’s play “Life”. – Sudhanshu excitedly said!

Bhabhi, where is the game?

Go check inside the side almirah.

You bring it bhabhi. I’ll help Masi in cleaning the table as quick as I can!

Naina runs to her room to fetch the game. Ouch!

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What happened? 

Nothing Mummy, 

Go see didi, (Sudhanshu mom’s sister said).

She must have banged somewhere again. It’s normal for us now. She thinks she works too quick while her mind is somewhere else.

Meanwhile, they all worked as a team in cleaning the mess loitering all over, so that they can play and relax.

The evening was full of laughter. Both the girls, Sudhanshu’s only cousin sisters teased Naina to cook other’s favourite dish but theirs.

Naina smilingly admits, he wanted to make Sudhanshu loved.

The girls hooted…

Two hours passed. The game ended with Naina’s victory. To which Sudhanshu is annoyed as he seeks competition in everything.

Everyone around – “Naina it’s your day!”, “Bhabhi it’s your day!”

They all had a blast and are now gone to their respective rooms. The girls have gone to the guest room. 

Don’t sleep with your clothes on!- Sudhanshu demanded.

B..b..But, I…

You worked in the kitchen, drenched in sweat. God, why the hell are you so dirty?

I am not asking you to take a bath.

You know that if I take bath I have cramps all over my body.

That’s why I asked you to sleep naked.

Little did she know that again that he wants to make love to her as per his wish and ways.

She cried a lot on having more pain in the name of lovemaking. Sudhanshu has a habit of starting love with cuddles and ending it with bites and marks and call it a trophy of his love. Naina is indeed a beautiful lady and Sudhanshu often has insecurity. 

You know I will not feel loved with scrumptious dinner but also when you make love to me.

Tears dropped horizontally from the sides of her eyes while she keeps her head on his arm.

Sudhanshu is Naina’s second husband, everyone in her family was praising Sudhanshu for accepting her even after being divorced. To Naina and Sudhanshu it wasn’t a big deal. They both are in love. The past just doesn’t matter!

Their marriage is solemnised with all rituals, pomp and show. 

The night they make love many times. The laughter continues until Sudhanshu’s illegitimate demand aroused. He wants to take pleasure using a beer bottle inside her. She denies as the sex toy wasn’t something she wants for herself. 

Days, months, passed and so Sudhanshu’s demands, which she couldn’t fulfil always. She often has bruises and people around her teased that she has a lovely night by seeing her marks. 

Everyone is crying and outside her room, there is a grey ambience. Mourning, cries, cursing. 

Naina starts dancing while everyone around her is crying. She is wearing Sudhanshu’s favourite blue shirt. Everyone says she has gone bananas. She had shocked by her husband’s death. Naina, don’t worry you are still our daughter. This house is still yours, Naina’s mother-in-law creased Naina’s hairs with her hands.

No, she will go with us. – said Naina’s mother. 

Naina continues dancing.

She says, your son started doing cocaine to maintain his sexuality. He lusts me more than he loves me. He made love everywhere in this house. Why he was always happy when momma papa leaves home for any trip. He finds time to fulfil his fantasies. She gives me pain. I loved him, I wanted to celebrate our love with different things but he always has sex on his mind. My home is nowhere, “home was perhaps just this body I inhabited and this too was alien to me at times, it folds and creases, its pains and needs. Home, I realised now, was anywhere the heart slept in peace. The home was where one unpacked one’s cares and settled them into the wardrobe with one’s clothes. It was where one was complete”. Now I am complete, a 27 years old widow. I twisted my body for your son as I loved him but tell the reason for his death clearly to everyone. 

Naina, shut up.

Why so, Mummy? Sudhanshu loved sex and me having it every time with him. He was such an addict that his addiction took his life. 

She broke just after uttering this. 

Everyone listened to it with jaws dropped and there is ruckus all around. 

She got up.

He had cardiac arrest due to Atherosclerosis.

I fail to make him special no matter how much and often I tried.

Image source: Still from Methi Ke Ladoo

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