‘I Want Sex But I Won’t Ask For It…’

Ananya thinks back to the time she met her husband & wonders why she’s still so hesitant and tongue-tied to ask her husband for sex and make the first move in the bedroom…

‘It was the first day at work and I caught him staring at me, I would lie if I said I wasn’t attracted to him. I secretly hoped he would come and talk to me. He didn’t waste any time telling me that he loved me and we were married in two months.

I love the way he makes love to me, his scent makes me drunk and I want it all over me. I don’t think I can ever have enough of him! My body aches for his touch and his passionate kisses. I feel my body trembling every time he goes deeper and touches my very soul. His touch makes my body scream for more, I didn’t know real life could be as good as the romantic novels that I read!

Lately, he seems disinterested though…

There was a time he was all over me and couldn’t keep his hands to himself but it seems he doesn’t want me as much as he did before. I am neither shy nor demure by nature but I don’t know why I get tongue-tied when it comes to talking about sex. I want him so much but he doesn’t get any hints. I kiss him on his neck and hug him but he just hugs me tighter, I wait for him to touch me but he’s already asleep. I give him so many hints but he understands none!

I don’t understand why he doesn’t talk about sex either; why doesn’t he ask me if I want to have sex now. I could ask him too but what would he think of me. I don’t want him to think I am too desperate! What if he judges me or makes fun of me?

I am an adult woman who enjoys sex but why am I paralyzed to speak about my needs?

Why am I so hopelessly tongue-tied? Maybe it is the inner expectation that the guy always has to make the first move. Only if we just had an honest conversation once! He never tells me that he craves me or my touch; he has never messaged me that he is thinking about me and is looking forward to having sex with me tonight.

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What wouldn’t I give to hear those words? There is a fire raging inside me and every inch of my being keeps burning, waiting for his touch. Only he can put this fire out! This distance is driving me crazy, maybe it is just me who wants sex or maybe I am failing to satisfy him. How would I know what he likes in bed if he never tells me! How would he know what I want if I feel so much shame telling him!

All my subtle signs go in vain as he gets no clue about my hidden desires that are taking over me. I feel unsatisfied and empty! I notice that he seems disappointed and dejected too but why is it so difficult for both of us to have this conversation.

It is not right for me to expect that sex is solely to be initiated by him, I feel I’ll be judged as being too slutty, aggressive or even too forward. If only I had the courage to break the barriers that hold me back. It does take a while to get comfortable in your own skin and open up to your innermost needs.

I don’t know about him but it is time I break the ice!

I love him a lot and I know he does too but I am losing my mind lusting for him! The fire burning inside me is killing me slowly. I crave for his touch but why do I have this cool demeanor? Why am I acting like all is okay? I need us to have a frank discussion about sex but no words come out of my mouth as my brain is frozen while my needs are burning my body inside out!

I am more than willing to shed the last of my inhibitions and deeply ingrained shame about tending to my physical needs. I pick up my phone and text him- Let’s talk about sex baby!’

Image Source: Still from the movie Aashiqui 2

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