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My mother tells me that whenever they went to some wedding or party, dad would take care of us so that she could enjoy.
Numerous women around us left their careers to take care of the kids but this is not a story of the question that these women face after sacrificing their careers, “tum aakhir krti hi kya ho? sirf bachchon ko dekhna hi to rahta hai!” (What is it that you do afterall? You only have to take of the kids!)
This story is about a husband understanding the value of that sacrifice.
My mother was a teacher even before my father had a job. After failing to get a regular job my father decided to do business. They shifted to the city and after a long discussion decided that mom would leave her job as there was no one to take care of us. As we grew up we criticized him many times for this decision and he would never defend himself, he would just say, “Maybe I was wrong, but that was all I could come up with in that situation. Maybe you would understand me someday.”
It was later that we realized how much he valued my mother’s sacrifice. It’s not about who is earning and who’s not, it’s all about respect. My mother though never actively participated in the business, still had a 50 percent partnership. There were so many incidents when my mother would joke about not signing the cheque if he ever offended her. The partnership she has is not just on paper, they are true partners. They always respect each other’s opinions and decisions. They never try to control each other’s lives but always stand by each other.
My mother once told me that there were rumors about them going to split up(My nani even told my mom that she could get a divorce if she wants; just imagine how modern my nani was for that era), because they never publicly displayed their affection for each other, seemed distant and most importantly had kids late (my elder sister was born almost after 8 yrs of their marriage). But nobody realized that they were just trying to give each other space and understand each other.
My parents were married early while both were still studying but they decided to take things slowly. They would talk to each other for hours about everything under the sun. Since theirs was an arranged marriage they wanted to know each other first because yeah love, at first sight, is something but it doesn’t happen with everyone.
Love is a process, it takes time. You can’t get married to a stranger one day and love them unconditionally the other day. They tell me that they feel so lucky to have found each other. My mom says, “After watching so many couples fight over the tiniest of the things we decided that we aren’t going to repeat that.”
Mom is not responsible for finding the socks my dad misplaced, yes she helps him find but he doesn’t and can’t blame her for not being able to find his stuff and my dad never asks her why she bought the new saree despite getting one the last week. It’s her choice, what and when to buy things she wants bcoz remember 50 percent of the money is hers and that too legally.
My dad never interfered in my mom’s relationship with my grandma and probably that’s why my mom and grandma love each other so much. Whatever disagreements they had were solved among themselves and their relationship grew strong.
My mother tells me that whenever they went to some wedding or party, dad would take care of us so that she could enjoy. They know quite well that verbal abuse is no better than physical abuse and I have never heard them verbally abuse each other no matter what the situation.
They say that a relationship cannot survive if you don’t respect each other You have to set boundaries that should never be crossed even if you are angry or whatever the situation is because anger doesn’t justify your actions. If you say sorry once for your actions you have to make sure you don’t repeat it at all costs.
My parents’ relationship is just a couple of goals. Those little things like cooking food when my mother is sick or not in the mood, telling her that she looks beautiful randomly, reminding him to take his wallet or handkerchief, giving each other a head massage, praising each other for the little things. The list would never end but these make their relation beautiful.
I won’t say that they never have any problems or arguments but they handle everything as grown adults and if not ideal they are real. They are the best that I have ever witnessed. I could go on writing about them and never stop. I just wish everyone gets such an understanding partner and if you aren’t you can become one.
Image Source: Instants from Getty Images Signature via Canva Pro
Someone who believes that the only constant in life is change and we as a society should change for the best read more...
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