Dear Grumpy Old Rude Indian Men, Treating Your Equally Ageing Wives Badly Is Not Ok!

Haven’t we seen our fathers, fathers-in-law, uncles, neighbours etc. treat their ageing wives badly? They yell and humiliate them in front of their children and others, and have no remorse whatsoever.

The other day I was watching a web series and it showed the female protagonist’s father to be a rude, opinionated old man who would sulk, talk rudely with his wife, say anything that he felt like to anyone… and that was supposed to be funny!

Not just me, all of us, at some point or other in life have encountered rude patriarchal men and such men become worse with ageing. Throughout their life they believe that they are right and entitled to treat others like trash. The first target of these men is their wife.

I have asked these women, “Why don’t you retaliate or say something?”  The reply from them has been, “He has always been like this.”  “He is not keeping well these days.”  “He is not bad at heart.”  “Don’t want more drama in the house.  I need to ensure that there is peace in the house.”

No wonder these men keep on repeating their obnoxious behaviour day in and day out.

This is not Ok!

Recently an old relative complained, “I am getting old and have many health issues.  Still my husband wants his food on time, gets angry if I repeat dishes, gets grumpy when I ask him to help me.  He doesn’t understand that I am getting old and sick too.”  Why should men treat their spouse of more than 4-5 decades like dirt?

Such men do not spare their grown-up children, grandchildren or even strangers either!  They don’t realize that others can get hurt by their words, their behaviour.  They cannot treat others badly by the virtue of their age or gender.  No one has the right to humiliate any other person, be it their own spouse or children.

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

The unfortunate part is women keeping quiet or promoting this behaviour.  Many mothers and mothers-in-law ask their daughters and daughters-in-law, granddaughters to give in to this toxic masculinity by keeping quiet or boosting their ego.

No, such behaviour by these elderly men is not funny, its obnoxious and unacceptable.  Women shouldn’t pamper the egos of such men.  It propagates patriarchy.  Next time, take a stand for yourself.  You are not the only one to ensure that their is peace in the house or the relations don’t get spoiled.  The elderly men also need to take the responsibility.

Next time, you see your mom or mother-in-law being insulted or yelled at publicly by these patriarchs, take a stand.

Image source: a still from DDLJ

Comments