How Two Polar Opposites Found The Middle Ground To A Happy Life Together

The month of February holds a special place in my heart. It is the month of love, but that is not the only reason why I cherish this month, the reason is much bigger than that.

It is in the month of February, nine years ago that my husband walked into my life. It is the month from where this journey started. Our getting to know each other was not a story in itself, it was not a Raj-meets-Simran saga, yet it was special in its own way. We met like how scores of men and women meet in this country, through a matrimonial site and the effort of our respective mothers.

The introverted me wasn’t happy with the idea of meeting a stranger and even more so his family; so on the sensible advice of a dear relative, I decided to make some good use of the Internet to get to know this stranger, who had shown interest in marrying me.

That is where I tracked him down and sent a message saying I would like to know him before meeting him in person. A couple of days later I received a reply saying sure we could catch up, and we decided on Saturday evening.

That Saturday evening brought to the fore a big difference between us…

While I have always been the nocturnal person, he was the exact opposite. So, when I logged on to the chat page at 10 in the evening, I saw a message saying “Guess you are busy, let’s catch up tomorrow, am off to sleep.” I sat there wondering who sleeps early on a Saturday evening. We did catch up the next day and though I had always been averse to online chatrooms, I spent a good part of the day chatting on google chat.

It was these online chatrooms that played a major role in helping us know each other better, for we lived in two opposite corners of the country. Though we bonded well from the first day, we had our own set of differences.

The journey of discovery in any relationship is a continuous process, but it is as much about celebrating the differences as bonding over the similarities. This has been the mantra of our journey. While we bonded over music books and travelling, our taste in each of these areas has been, as varied as it could be.

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So, over the years the husband has learnt to sit through romantic movies, while I have become slightly more tolerant of the superhero flicks. I even manage to amaze myself at times by identifying the superheroes correctly! To reach a common ground while travelling we make sure we visit a historical place as well as a religious place in every town or city we visit. That keeps both of us happy.

As for the books, both of us stick to what we like and the result is an overflowing bookshelf. But on a serious note, it is these differences that made our bond stronger. It is the differences that we had that made life interesting together, for we found something new to observe or maybe even learn from the other.

Polar opposites who found a middle ground

The difference is not just limited to the likes or tastes, it’s also about personalities. While I would want everything meticulously planned and little deviation is enough to get me annoyed, he is the exact opposite who can be calm through the most taxing situations. While left to me I could go on a shopping spree every month, just to soak in the joy of retail therapy, he believes in planning and budgeting expenses, to the extent that its savings first and the remaining is what goes into expenses for him.

When two polar opposites of this variety live together, we do find a middle ground to get life going. So, while he has taught me the importance of handling tense situations with calm, I have managed to imbibe in him the importance of being firm and curt with people when the situation demanded, keeping the nicety aside.

Isn’t that the beautiful thing about companionship, as we share this journey of life together, we end up learning from each other on improving ourselves and bettering the journey? Over the years of living this beautiful journey with my husband, I have finally gotten over the Bollywood image of a love story I had in mind. Love isn’t about chiffon, snowy mountains, exotic locales, syrupy sweet music or mushy poetry. It is a simple feeling of being there for each other. Love can only be love, perfect love is just a concoction of our mind.

“Perfection is just a perception”, I had read this somewhere and this holds perfectly true in the case of love. Love is an emotion that bonds people together and no emotion can ever be clubbed as perfect or imperfect, it just has to be true; from the heart.

While we fight to our heart’s content and sometimes for the silliest reasons, we end up apologising in our own weird ways. That I guess explains the bond, that how much ever we are mad at each other, we still want to be together. So, for that love to keep growing celebrate the differences and talk out the disagreements.

First published here.

Image is a screengrab from the Hindi movie Piku

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