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There are many sleepless nights when I wonder what you would have looked like, had you been with us. I miss the fact that I never heard your laughter and cry. I am going to miss when you would take your first step.
Trigger Warning: This speaks of pregnancy loss, loss of a child, and grief, and may be triggering to survivors.
“You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.” – John Green, The Fault In Our Stars
To my unborn child,
We were happy to see the pregnancy dipstick with the two pink lines on it. We shouted with joy and glee. Though it was going to be a journey of nine months we wanted to make it special from day one for you. We started to take steps so that you may be comfortable in my tummy, and started dreaming about you and a future with you.
Then one day I had some pain. But all I was worried about was – you. We rushed to the doctor. She helped me with some medication and asked me to wait and watch. We prayed all night for your safety and well-being. But in the morning we felt that we lost the battle. I had acute pain and was rushed to the hospital.
The doctor confirmed that you were not coming and that you bid goodbye to us. Your sac had collapsed. We wondered what wrong we had done.
We returned home with a vacuum in our lives. We were taken over with grief. I pined for you and recalled every moment I had with you.
You went to God without meeting us. Though you are in his beautiful presence and I know you are safe, I still wish you would be with us.
There are many sleepless nights when I wonder what you would have looked like, had you been with us. I never had an opportunity to know whether you were a boy or a girl. I miss the fact that I never heard your laughter and cry. I am going to miss when you would take your first step. I am going to miss celebrating your birthdays, miss all your milestones, gazing into your eyes, and holding you close to me. I am going to miss reading all the bedtime stories and singing rhymes with you.
I want you to know that I would have been always there for you. Even when I had pain I was praying for your well-being. I would help you through all your struggles. We would have been great friends.
You did not come to this world but I am happy for you that you went to God. I know you are safe in his presence. He has an equally beautiful world and he must have great plans for you.
I want you to know that we love you a lot!
Love Always,
Your mom who remembers you every day
Author’s note: The news of childbirth gives immense happiness. But there are many women who do not get this happiness. We should refrain from asking them about their plans for children. You never know maybe they have been trying but…
Image source: cottonbro on pexels
Well, about me I can say that I am a certified dentist, healthcare analyst, medical writer and above all a mother. I blog at NatkhatZ. read more...
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