A Must Read Guide On What NOT To Say To Women!

Hey there! Are you someone who doesn’t know what feminism is and makes baseless assumptions? Well then this blog post can cut the crap and tell you what’s right.

Let’s begin with the phrases that do NOT summarise the meaning of feminism:

1) Oh so you’re a feminist – you’re a man hater for sure!
2) Well if you want equal rights that means I can hit women!
3) As a man I am afraid to speak because of this whole #MeToo thing.
4) What about men’s issues? We have problems too you know!
5) We don’t need all this feminism, it’s ruining our culture!
6) And lastly – the big bomb #notallmen

1) Feminism doesn’t equal hating men

Let’s use the logic of #notallmen here. We don’t hate ALL men, just the ones who believe that women don’t deserve equal rights and the ones who kill women because they hurt your precious little ego. If you are someone who reduces an entire ideology into one meaningless statement – chances are you’re not very well liked by women.

Yes there are women who are all “ugh men are trash” every two minutes and they are called Misandrists. Terminology is everything.

2) Hitting women? Why would you ever want to hit anyone?

First off, hitting anyone is a crime and you’ll be charged with assault and battery. So if you think being a feminist means you can hit women, you definitely need to see a therapist because your thought process needs to seriously be analysed by a medical professional.

3) Afraid to speak? Women are afraid everyday!

While the MeToo movement exposed many problematic men for their actions and finally held them accountable, this wasn’t good news for all. Some men fear now that even a simple remark by them might be mistaken, even if it was harmless.

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

If you are someone who feels “afraid” to speak in a room full of women, ask yourself this – “why am I afraid if what I am saying is totally harmless?” So yeah if you are the one who feels targetted, maybe you should analyse why your statements are problematic.

4) The case of “whataboutism”

Not exclusive to only feminism, this concept is seen across all major political issues. If you truly care about men’s issues, awesome! You still qualify as a feminist, and go talk about it in your space. But, if you only bring it up when women talk about their issues – you never cared about men’s problems either.

And side note: men’s problems regarding the taboo of “being manly” and “real men don’t cry” also arose from the patriarchy so you really should be on our side here.

5) If your culture revolves around oppressing women, better rethink the norm

All cultures have traditions and while that should be respected, what shouldn’t be accepted is the idea that you oppress women under the guise of tradition.

‘Culture’ was something that was created 1000s of years ago and the world has evolved since then, so it’s high time your thinking should evolve too.

#NOTALLMEN

To be fair, I am fuming as I write this because of course we know it’s not all men! But we don’t know which men are bad so why even take the risk?

Think of it this way: If you almost drown in the ocean and develop a phobia of water bodies, saying #notallmen sounds like telling someone afraid to get into water “Aye but this is a swimming pool, not an ocean so why are you scared?” It’s still water.

Similarly, we aren’t scared of all men but we have to protect ourselves from everyone regardless.

So what is Feminism?

Feminism is just about wanting equal rights. It is basically “hey can you treat us like human beings please?” The end.

So how to not be a misogynist? It’s real simple:
1) Respect Women.
2) Do not blatantly dismiss what we say
3) Never ever assume we are on our period or are being hysterical.

Yes while all these points are common sense, it’s crazy how we have to explain this even today. One can eventually hope that people understand the end goal of feminism, and realise that it’s not a “man hating movement”. Till then to all the women out there: Do no harm, but take no shit!

Sincerely – An angry and tired feminist

Published here first.

Image source: a still from the film Hichki

Comments