Behave Yourself Please; This Was Not Accidental Touch!

Looking at the audacity of the man standing opposite to me on the metro train, I felt like whacking the side of his head, just above his ear with all my strength.

I was breathing patience for a long, trying to be civil in the crowd but the frustration was building up and, it eventually got released.

“Argh! Will you behave yourself and keep your hand with you?” I shouted.

“He jostled his hand not once but twice over my friend and you are saying it’s by chance?” I retorted back at women in a louder voice.

“First women like you come dressed in modern clothes and then blame the men for it,” she said while grinning up at her husband and the man grinned back at her.

This wasn’t the first time that I learned that women are the watchdogs of patriarchy.

I clearly remember when I was young, my cousin shared how an uncle groped her and how aunty covered up by saying that he just grabbed her from the chest intending to play.

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This was the first time I saw a woman defending the harasser.

Later when my cousin shared the incident with her mother she said “Shhh aese nahi kehete, aage se dhyan rakhna” ( Don’t say such things and be careful going forward).

Her words felt like a sword piercing through my chest. Who should be careful with whom, I wanted to ask the mother!

As I got into my teens, I saw my friends’ mother serving hot roasted chapatti to the men of the house and at the same time taunting her daughter for the incapabilities of not being able to make round chapattis.

“Smash the patriarchy,” I wanted to tell the Aunty.

As I grew further I saw my maid coming to work with pale, swollen eyes. Her husband used to beat her up in front of her mother-in-law every other night.

“Stand in solidarity,” I wanted to tell the old lady.

Growing up I saw internalized patriarchy, during festivals or get-togethers women standing in the hot boiling kitchen, cooking for hours, refilling the snack plates while the men of the house sitting and rambling about the issues right from politics to something they know nothing about.

Women standing next to men while serving food and still somewhere in the corner a woman is judging another for not doing it well.

“Shatter the preconceived norms,” I wanted to tell the ladies.

As I reach the marriageable age, the aunties reminded me of how I needed to apply the lep on my face to get one fair shade.

“Women don’t judge women, Aunties,” I wanted to say.

Dear women, we are in 2022, and still internalized patriarchy and misogyny is ingrained deep within us. The most toxic patriarchy grows within the family and the onus lies on us to defy it. And we can do that by

• Sharing the role of parenting equally.
• Talking about period openly.
• Learn to say no to rigid, regressive customs.
• Just as we teach our daughters to make round roti\’s we can teach the same to our sons too. Just as we teach our sons about finances we need to teach our daughters the same too.

Do you agree with what I say? Looking forward to knowing your point of view.

Published here first.

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