The Saga Of Marriage, Kids And More Kids We Indians Believe In!

In our Indian society milestones are defined for women even before they are born: Get married, have kids, have more kids.

This is one of my conspiracy theories and therefore please read with a pinch of salt.

We are a planet with 8.7 million species. But it is only the humans who have this concept of marriage. A marriage was born as an idea to keep societies functional. Or, to bring two individuals together so that they are responsible for each other.

I look around myself, and honestly, I don’t see anyone truly happy in their marriage. And strangely, it has less to do with the people and more with the society. Couples might love each other but in today’s world, it’s more of a compulsion rather than a voluntary will. Especially in Indian society where divorce and separation are taboo.

Marriage is a great concept but…

There might be two individuals who love each other but are not compatible. There might be two individuals who have priorities different. There might be two individuals who were in love but have fallen out of love. There might be two individuals who entered an arranged marriage due to parental pressure.

Marriage is a great concept, I truly believe, but marriage should be a choice and there should be an ‘out’ when things are not working anymore. You can still be friends and find love somewhere else. You can still be in love but find understanding somewhere else. You can still have the understanding but find compatibility somewhere else.

People change, and priorities change

Every individual evolves, grows, transforms with experiences, and interactions as they grow and move forward in life. Maybe they are not the same people anymore, maybe now they want different things from life, from their partners. People change, and priorities change.

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But who cares, right?

Ask our aunties, uncles, relatives, damn ask our parents, and they will say, have a kid and everything will be better!

Does it get better, no, it gets worse? You are tied to a person you don’t want to be with because of a child. A child who is innocent in all this. And as parents, you need to prioritise their happiness.

And it doesn’t stop there, so you got married, you have a child and you are doing your best to make your marriage work, parenting work, with all the disorientation, conflicts, and the next advice you get is to have another child.

You must give her/him a brother or a sister!

‘Oh, you must give her/him a brother or a sister. The blood bond is bigger and stronger than any bond!’ Yes, I being a single child can see value in it, but it’s a couple’s choice. When to have a kid, if to have a kid or another kid. And I know so many siblings who don’t even talk to each other, lest stand for each other.

On a softer note, now that the world has become global, people are separated by continents. All they do is talk to each other on video calls. I again being a single child have always yearned during my childhood to have a sibling. But as I grew, I have also learnt to make friends, lifetime friends, who I have chosen and love, not because they are related to me by blood, but because I genuinely care about them and vice versa.

So, one child or many, they still thrive, if the parenting is right. And on that note, being a childfree couple or single is also a choice, not just for women but also for men.

Imagine a world where marriage is a choice and not an unsaid expectation, where singlehood is celebrated as much as a marriage and so is a separation.

Imagine a world where caring and loving animals are as cherished as having a child.

Imagine a world where we adopt more kids and give them home than adding to the 7.9 billion humans.

Imagine a world where we choose to let people choose.

Imagine a world where we mind our own business rather than setting expectations for others.

Image credit: still from short film (Suta) The Daughter/Pocket films, YouTube

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