3 Unexpected Things That 3 Years Of Being A Married Indian Woman Taught Me

I’m married to the love of my life and things are as good as can be. The things I’m going to write about next may not please many people as they might have their own thoughts on it.

This is my third year as a married woman, and honestly, the initial two years took a lot from me.

I recall the times when I wanted to give up on my relationship, but I opted to be quiet for a few days instead. I fought too for the things that irritated me, and as a result, I became really sad for a while. But today, I am happy I never gave up.

I hardly heard such comments or so-called lessons from the women in my family. Apart from these teachings about marriage, there are so many sex educators around me. Let me tell you about one of the lessons I got from them post marriage.

I was told not to make too many moves in bed

I was told that I have to make my husband happy, no matter what. Gosh, when I entered that phase, honestly, it was nothing like what they had told me. It was something new that I explored every day.

After one year of establishing a successful understanding in my marriage, one day, during a random chat, my husband opened up about our “first night” and how he pretended for a while so that I don’t judge him on the very first night.

There is more to this. I was told that my moves in bed might give a signal to my husband that I am a pro and “have had it a lot many times” before. This lesson amazed me. I mean, “sex” is something which needs to be uncovered and an important element of a happy marriage, then why do I even need to pretend?

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

On the contrary, I found that my husband and I bonded a bit more when I gave up pretentious acts, other than in a funny way to get his attention.

Covid-19 and distancing at home

Everything was smooth until the Covid-19 spell fell on us. I have read and heard a lot of stories about how this virus invaded numerous households, but it took the form of a core fear in my husband, till recently. He started maintaining a physical distance from me. Things got so bad that I had to take bath even for merely stepping onto the front porch of our house. I was being dictated by him.

My husband started distancing himself from me when Covid-19 began, because of a fear of spreading or contracting the virus.

Things got even worse when I was not allowed to see my parents because my father was going to work every day as his work demanded it. I was quarantined twice, just because I sneezed and my body temperature was 99 degrees Celsius, which is normal for my body.

This scenario went on till a few months ago, but I tried to understand his psychology, instead of taking any hasty decisions. I have seen relationships ending for such reasons. People say that marriage is a balance of a lot of things… Indeed, it is!

How my body reacted to this change

While fighting these things, I was going through some other stuff which no one prepared me for. For instance, how different food habits in the new home suddenly change your body.

Growing up, you develop certain habits which are not easy to let go of. I was an early eater, but being married into a business family meant that I couldn’t eat before my husband did. Thus, I started munching on snacks and my body began changing. I started facing many issues like bloating and craving salt. These changes were collectively harming my mental health.

Do you know your 20s are different from your 30s, not just economically, but also in the slightest of things like how your body reacts to food and water?

Reducing fat is literally a challenge for me now. I always had a lean body. But now, increased responsibilities, managing work, and my tired body, did not allow me to exercise often. So, I struggled with many options, both online and offline.

I tried Zumba, joining a gym, running etc., but not being consistent didn’t help me. Moreover, skipping meals or sustaining myself on smoothies also didn’t help, as it gave way to gastritis.

I have realised that my body needs more attention than ever. Everybody around you wants you to be healthy,  in order to be ready for pregnancy.

This is yet again another change which my body might not be ready for just yet!

These are some things which we aren’t supposed to talk about, as either people make fun of it, or give you suggestions you don’t want. However, I chose to listen to what my heart guided me to do, and wrote this personal account down.

Published here first.

Image source: a still from Lust Stories

Comments