Why Must A Woman ‘Tolerate’ An Emotionally Abusive Relative Even For ‘Just A Few Days’?

Trigger warning: This deals with verbal and emotional abuse, and may be triggering for survivors.

Please remember that abuse can occur more subtly than physical or sexual violence.

Even though most of us tend to think of intimate partner violence when we think of domestic abuse, let’s not forget that people can be abused in their other relationships, too. 

Recently, during my trip to Kolkata, I’d finally put a stop to an emotionally abusive relationship. I wouldn’t go to the details because it’s such a tired cliché.

But I just wanted to share this report here because I’d given similar reasoning when someone very close to me said that I’d have to deal with this abusive person for “just a few days”.

‘Just for a few days’ of emotional abuse is enough to scar permanently!

Perhaps, the decade of this behavior that had slowly chipped at my self-esteem and self-worth and triggered unimaginable anxiety made me realize this. But my answer was something similar to the findings of this study.

“What if X burned my skin or slapped me every time I met them? Would this reasoning of tolerating them for a few days still hold? Then how come the wounds that come with verbal and emotional abuse are treated so lightly?”

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The irony is that these emotional scars don’t even heal in a linear manner, mainly because they are mostly left unacknowledged by our loved ones and sometimes, also by us.

How many times have you let someone gaslight you into thinking that maybe, if you just hadn’t done or said the wrong thing, things would’ve been better?

How often have you walked on eggshells around a person? Doing or saying little, anxiously pretending to be someone you’re not, just so they don’t lose their temper?

How often have you questioned your self-worth and felt robbed of your self-esteem because of their harsh words?

Verbal and emotional abuse is REAL

This is a reminder that verbal and emotional abuse is real. It has its own way of leaving permanent scars and harming our psyches.

Being a spiritual person, I strive to not let other people’s behaviour affect me. But that never means that we won’t draw strict boundaries, especially when it comes to our close relations, and not let certain people overstep them no matter how close they are.

This is also a reminder to everyone who uses verbal abuse unthinkingly.

You have no idea the extent of damage you’re causing to the other person. Please understand and stop.

Image source: a still from short film Juice

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