If You Feel Unloved In Your Marriage, You Most Probably Are!

Trigger Warning: This deals with gaslighting and emotional violence, and may be triggering for survivors.

Have you ever felt unloved in a relationship? Feeling like you just give and receive nothing in return? Do you feel depleted and still your man does not bother to care?

There might be a reason for this. Either you are with a stone (pun intended) or maybe he does not value you enough. Is it then an enough reason to stay in a relationship?

She married for love, gave up her career for him, but was she loved too?

Like any other woman in love she married for love, and was very happy through her married life. A little up and down is normal in every relationship isn’t it? Trust me it isn’t when it crosses the limit.

A very bright woman with a promising career she gave up her career, friends, her circle and after a point of time even her self care for the family she loved so much. She cared so much that she took care of every single detail in her family. Catering to everything making sure her family, her man got the best simply because they are hers. She was very innocent in love. Innocent as a person too, not able to make out a thief from a saint. A good thing which always worked against her.

Years passed. Gradually it became normal for her to accept her husband is always busy, always has someone more important to talk to or message to on his phone. There were times when she spoke and her husband never even looked up his phone to make eye contact or talk to her. But it’s okay, he’s busy.

Phone is an addiction. While she stayed mostly at home, her husband was always engaged with something outside. He preferred to spend time with friends more than her she always felt, but maybe she’s overthinking. There’s nothing lacking in their relationship.

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Until one day, when she playfully grabbed her husband’s phone and teased him saying, you are always on your phone, what’s there to hide? With the playfulness of a child she ran with his phone to the other room when he grabbed her arm so hard and snatched it away from her.

Her mind made excuses for him, even then

Her hand stayed cold for almost half an hour because of the impact of the physical force. Her hand hurt through to the next day, but he never asked if she’s okay.

‘It’s okay’, she thought ‘maybe he’s occupied at work’. But is it correct?
She thought of all the times when she felt that she was just a hurdle in his life, despite her putting every effort to please him. How she always was never good enough for him.

Very recently, he had also mentioned that he had lost all interest in her because she’s not herself anymore. It struck her that maybe there was someone else in his life. Why would he otherwise be so insecure about her taking away his phone. Wasn’t her phone and tablet always open for anyone to use in the house? And if there are secrets that he needs to keep from her, what’s the point in being together.

Sadly, when she questioned her husband, he quite literally told her if you are not happy with me you have options.

She looked back at her life. All those love that she had put into the one thing she valued the most, her family, never meant a thing to him. She was rattled from her core. Her innocent love was hit hard. For many days she was listless, unsure what to do, how to live, where to go. But life finds solutions in its own time.

It’s good to believe in love, but believe in yourself too

I will stop her story here. What I want to share to you women is, if you feel unloved, unappreciated, being treated as a doormat, then don’t chase off the thoughts with ‘ Maybe he’s busy’, Maybe he does not express much, Maybe he is whatever. When things seem wrong, they ARE wrong. Do not live in the bubble tweaking reality where your mind feels good. The repercussions are reeling.

It’s good to believe in love. My friend still does. But you cannot expect others to have the same ethics or value as you. There’s a saying that a close friend of mine had recently sent to me, it says ‘Wondering why other people hurt you when you do not hurt them is like a deer believing a lion won’t eat a deer because it does not eat lions.’

It’s always good to be alert and protect your heart. Believe in goodness, believe in people, but never ever give anyone your all to shatter. For God’s sake, when people show you who they are for the first time, believe them. Do not sugar-coat reality to ease the discomfort in your mind. If you feel unloved, you are unloved and unwanted.

Image source: a still from the film English Vinglish

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