Maja Ma Mentions The Clitoris — Have You Ever Said It? Or Guided Someone Towards It?

I recently watched the movie, Maja Ma on Netflix.  Five minutes into it, I knew I would not enjoy it. But I went ahead anyway being a Madhuri Dixit fan. Her beauty, her sarees, her charm, her expressions – it was irresistible. I was scrolling through my mobile phone while watching the movie,  giving it my bare minimum attention until a particular scene came up, probably the most entertaining part of the film.

Sheeba Chaddha’s character, asks Madhuri Dixit’s character how can two women be together sexually, since nature has made men and women differently and scientifically a man is supposed to be with a woman. While Madhuri Dixit’s character is highly uncomfortable and requests to end the topic, a bold Simone Singh asks Sheeba Chaddha if she has ever heard of clitoris! She adds that she should, it will change her life!

This is the first time that I have heard the term, ‘clitoris’ in a mainstream Bollywood movie.

Movies are a reflection of society. Whether it was Bollywood or society, liberation went from women could do not it without marriage to okay to do it to do it without any guilt, commitment, shame. But was that enough?What about the kind of sex they wanted? How do they want to be touched?

I understand. We were trying to get the basics right first. We wanted to ensure that sex is consensual. We wanted to ensure that sex is safe. But what about sex being pleasurable for women?

To do or not to do, but how to do it!

Patriarchy teaches us that sex for women is a giveaway and for men it is a takeaway. Women since ages were conditioned to believe that sexual intercourse is an activity which provides pleasure to men.  It was just another chore that needed to be provided just like cooking or cleaning to keep the man (happy)!

Unfortunately, women have much higher stakes in sexual intercourse than men. Women bear the consequences of pregnancy, birth control pills, emergency contraceptive pills, abortion in addition to the mental implications associated with all of these. With so much of risk, does a woman not have every right to demand that every sexual experience she has should be consensual, safe and pleasurable.

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But in reality, how common is the pleasure element of it for women?  And if the answer is not so common, what could be some of the reasons?

Do you know where the clitoris is?

A lot of women grew up being shamed for masturbating.  They grew up with the idea that their body is a prized possession that should be unwrapped only by the future, lawfully wedded husband! With zero sex education, and zero sexual experience including masturbation women may not know a lot about their own bodies. I was shocked to know in an interaction with some young girls that they think that they urinate from their vagina! Other women may not even know what the clitoris is and that its sole purpose in the female body is pleasure.

A little trivia – When a woman stands upright, the vaginal tube points in an upward-backward direction and forms an angle of slightly more than 45 degrees angle with the uterus. (Ever tried a menstrual cup? This knowledge would be helpful!)

How many women know if they have a G spot or an A spot or where the C spot (clitoris) is!

When women don’t know much about their own bodies, how do they expect men to please them?

Insecure men and tired women!

Traditionally men have wanted their wives to be virgins. I don’t know why but probably out of insecurity so that women had nothing to compare them with and won’t even know if they are satisfied or not! Due to this mentality, if women see their current partners are too insecure, women do not try to show a lot of knowledge about sex out of fear of hurting their fragile ego. Women sometimes pretend to not being experienced even though they are.

On the contrary, some men are very eager to please women.  They want to know that the woman orgasmed. Instead of being honest with such partners, women end up faking orgasms! Women fake orgasms for a variety of reasons – boosting the partner’s ego, avoid hurting his feelings and other times simply out of boredom, fatigue and time limitations!

Men reading this: please take notes!

Women have eventually learnt that they should really enjoy sex. Except that nobody told them the how part of it.

Various factors contribute to how great the sex is for women. And they are not necessarily restricted to one particular part of the body, unlike most men. How great the man makes the woman feel, how safe she feels with him, how much she likes him, how good the foreplay is, what other erogenous zones have been stimulated contribute to the overall experience. Further, penetrative sexual intercourse does not result in orgasms for a majority of women! Probably that is why the clitoris was made!

There are also days on which a woman is ovulating which makes her more aroused as opposed to men for whom any time is a good time! Some women find sex better during periods however, they may be uncomfortable to convey the same to their partners.

Shaming women for not being ‘enough’

I remember the movie Gully Boy in which Ranveer Singh’s father’s character had remarried a younger woman. He shames his first wife, for not having sex with him. She immediately snaps, if he has ever understood how to touch her. That was yet another iconic dialogue from a female Bollywood character.

In the movie, The Great Indian Kitchen, when the wife finally musters up the courage to tell her husband that he should incorporate some foreplay in the act, he shames her by saying he should “feel” something for her in order to engage in foreplay.

Men who demand sex from women, or worse – judge them for not being good enough in bed should maybe consider the possibility that women do not enjoy sex with them, and maybe they could do things differently.

No harm in owning your sexuality

We have come a long way.  A generation that was conditioned to associate sex with morality has at least managed to unlearn all of that garbage.  Undoing the damage was the starting point. Women are now trying to own their sexuality. There is no right or wrong here. It’s a personal choice.  Every woman is different. What works for one may not work for another.

Women must know that there is no shame in prioritizing ourselves, and the needs and pleasures of the body.

Know what you want. Convey what you want. Remember, nobody is going to invite you to conduct research on your pleasure like the show, Masters of Sex! You have to do it yourself! (No pun intended)!

Image source: a still from the film Maja Ma

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