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With time I got used to rejection. Rejection from somebody I loved, rejection from the job I aspired to and rejection from my own body at some point of time. Whenever I think about that time, I get scared.
I saw the movie Double XL recently and it made me rewind my life. The first half of the movie highlights how a fat girl is being ignored and rejected at every step of her life and I could relate to it completely as I have gone through the same phase. The actresses Sonakshi Sinha and Huma Qureshi reflected how both of them struggled in their professional and personal life just because they were fat.
Some people will call you “chubby” or “healthy” instead of saying fat; I mean why the word fat is also taken in a negative sense? During my teenage years I took ayurvedic medicines owing to which I became overweight from being underweight. By saying overweight, I don’t mean 60 or 70 kgs, my weight touched 95 kgs. Imagine a girl in her college weighing that much. Before seeing my face, everyone used to see my stomach. Every girl has a lot of dreams during her college days; mine were shattered because my weight took everything away from me.
I still can’t forget that look from people; forget about people, my own family members. With time I got used to rejection. Rejection from somebody I loved, rejection from the job I aspired to and rejection from my own body at some point of time. Whenever I think about that time, I get scared. There was no way I could be loved by a man; hence my father started searching for matches for me. I was rejected back to back. There was a time where I abandoned all hope. Trust me; my mother said it on my face that this way you will never get married.
Today I am not the same, I shed almost 20 kgs to become a fit candidate and to my surprise I started to get many marriage matches. It’s true that real life is far different than reel life. In the movie, Sonakshi and Huma succeed the way they are, but it was not the case with me. I had to deal with humiliation for a very long time until I made myself suitable for society’s needs.
When I look back today I feel it was me who didn’t have the guts to face society. I was ashamed of my personality and therefore the world was.
To all the fat women out there, don’t let anyone make you feel low, and if someone does, just say, “tere baap ka khati hoon kya”?
Smriti Malhotra is a Delhi girl and an avid dreamer. She works at the Embassy of the Republic of Congo by profession but is a writer by passion. She began writing while at school and read more...
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