A Ready Checklist To Find A Life Partner Ideal For You

Disclaimer: Marriage is a choice. Marriage is an option. It need not be a woman’s goal or a “should/must” in anyone’s life. This list to find a life partner is an opinion, and a learning from experience. Sharing here, hoping it will help another sister.

“You are next!”

“When are you going to treat us to good food and celebration?”

“You have a job now, it’s time to let your parents fulfill their duties and retire.”

If you are hearing a lot of this, then you are subtly (not so subtly most times) being nudged into marriage.

Marriage is a decision that will change your life, but finding a life partner who’s right for you can make all the difference. As a young girl, who has completed her education or a woman in a stable job exploring herself and dreaming about a future, the decision of finding a life partner to marry can be very daunting.

Marriages in India are overrated. It is about everything- food, entertainment, glamour, drama, and everything else in between. Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who are taking their next big step in life. But thanks to the current generations, this theme is changing and drawn to be more about the couple. (Read, a lot of shouting, tears, and arguments the young are doing to make marriages their way).

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Although women are bribed by the glitz and glamour of marriage, it is the step before that which is the most important decision in their lives.

The ‘so-called checklists’ women (and parents) have to find a life partner

From time immemorial, a checklist has been marketed and in many ways enforced on women. A checklist most probably made by our patriarchal society. It goes something like this,

• Well settled (has a job and earns well)
• Good Family (Name in the society & has everyone)
• ‘Gives’ Freedom (It’s his choice right?)
• ‘Allows’ you to work (and expects you to come back and take care of home)
• Buys you things (and wants to not ask for anything else)
• ‘Lets you’ visit your family (after you take care of him & his family’s needs)
• Doesn’t abuse you (surface, but in reality optional)
• Doesn’t accept dowry (optional)

Although this seems like a checklist girls and women should expect, it was more a ‘things you should be grateful for’ list. A list that apparently fulfilled before marriage would somehow dissolve into nothingness, giving women the ‘adjust a little’ fixed answer to every question.

But, the times have changed and so should the checklist too. Right?

Ready Checklist for your ideal partner

The new generation of girls and women have different expectations of marriage. Women today, have a voice and would most definitely like to have a choice in their present and future. Finding the ideal partner who understands they are not a commodity and he/she doesn’t own them nor can control them. A marriage is a partnership between two people, who know each other’s interests, goals, and dreams.

Here is a new age ready checklist to find the ideal partner

• Understands that Freedom cannot be ‘given’ or ‘taken’ (It belongs to the person)
• Knows that Respect is mutual and continuous (it is not the grand gestures and words, but also the small things that showcase it)
• Acknowledges and Values the partner – their thoughts, beliefs, efforts (In no way ridicules, puts down, but has open discussions and arguments)
• Knows or is eager to learn Housework (it’s the job of every individual in the house to take care of it)
• Believes your family is as important as his (Because it is, and you also need to take care of your aging parents)
• Shares a life with you as an equal partner (Emotionally, physically and financially)

The only way to change things is to change the narrative, the outlook, and the acceptance of it.

Start this year by valuing yourself and rejecting the patriarchal norms of sexism and gender norms. Find a partner with whom you can share your happiness, dreams, and life without compromising who you are.

Love thyself sister, more than you love your partner.

Image source: a still from the Marathi series Aata Kay Hawa

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