Today I Made A Revolutionary Decision Of Beating The Patriarchy

This morning, I made a very revolutionary decision of not letting the patriarchy win in my head. I let my husband go to his workplace with a tear in his shirt. I saw it. Likewise, I told him. It was not a big tear. I would not have even noticed it if it was not for our “come home soon” hug.

If some keen observer at his workplace decided to spend his productive time staring at my husband’s shoulder, he would have noticed a shiny vest peeking out coyly.

I still did not pester him to change the shirt, so I can sew the tear. He was okay with it. He did not give two hoots about it. So I decided to not give two hoots about it either.

Why! I heard all the Hemas, Sushmas, Jayas and Rekhas flabbergasted. Why indeed would I not take the effort of sending my husband prim and proper?

What! I heard my mother’s screams. Where is your good wife decency? Is this how you send your husband in society?

NO! I heard my deeply conditioned brain ask myself, is this how I intended to become the Lakshmi of this household?

I chose to ignore the bad voice

The feeling of having failed my life, family, husband crept insidiously, persistently, and I ignored it.

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I did not, in all honesty, wake up with such an intention of revolution. I had missed taking my dose of Desvenlafaxine yesterday, so my serotonin and dopamine both were running low, and the withdrawal symptoms hit me only at night.

Furthermore, I had dreamt about almost naked women with their naturally augmented breasts, and men with their weird bulks, living in cave like structures, sustainably handling their first gay rebellion. I woke up groggy, with a mild headache starting to make its home in my brain.

The internal auditor of my bank had steadfastly refused any explanation or grant any concession with respect to the performance of my department. A cousin was complaining about my mother, who is living with them, being stubborn about not going to the dentist for her prolonged severe toothache.

The menstrual cup that I have been trying to get comfortable with for about a year now kept popping right out at the touch of my skin. The spouse decided the tea was not milky enough and poured an extra dose of milk, taking off all the caffeine out of it.

You see? My day was not getting any better.

And so I decided to triumph over my own patriarchy by not minding my husband about his clothes. I wanted this win. As I sit and type this, after having my SOS and my daily D Veniz dose it suddenly feels like a very tiny thing to be proud of, but when I think back and recollect the sort of pressure I felt at that precise moment my husband was stepping out, I feel good now for not letting it win.

I am glad that at least today I will remember myself as a person who had all the chances to spiral right into the abyss, of patriarchy, of societal expectations, of stressful work-life balance, but chose to stay as focused on not spiralling as a cat focusses when she is stalking her prey. This win would be mine.

Image source: shylendrahoode via Getty Images signature, free on CanvaPro

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