Before They Hit Your Face, They Hit The Wall Behind You!

Down in the dumps? Unable to fight? Know that it’s just a state of mind. Be fierce. Just like you would be when faced with a life-threatening situation. Emotional abuse in a marriage is just as life-threatening as anything else.

I had been watching the series ‘Maid’ on Netflix. And I was startled to see how Alex, the character who had been facing emotional abuse, initially refused to accept that she is going through subtle domestic violence.

The episode starts with her leaving the house in the middle of the night with her daughter, because her husband, in a fit of fury, hit the wall behind her and threw a glass bowl at her.

It was the wall he hit

Alex when in a domestic violence shelter for women told a friend that she was not abused. She was not hit. It was the wall that her husband hit.
But what came as an eye-opener was when her friend said – ‘So what is a threat? What is rage? Is emotional abuse not domestic violence?’

Before they bite, they bark

And here comes the creepiest part of the revelation, when the friend says – ‘Before they bite, they bark, and before they hit your face, they hit the wall behind you.’

Domestic violence grows slowly like mold on the wall. No one would ever tell you on the first date, I will punch your face eventually.’

It got me thinking, how many times have women accepted unacceptable behaviour in a fit of rage, as a mistake, and then it became a way of life for them?

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

Emotional abuse starts slow. A little jealousy, a little control, a little fight that goes out of control until you are down to a situation where you end up on your knees, and it flourishes fully into domestic violence.

Making up, being sorry after unacceptable behaviour is not enough. What is enough is a non-repetition of abusive behaviour.

The world is unkind and unhelpful

The world is rigged against women, and so is marriage. The girl leaves her house, she adjusts elsewhere, she leaves her job, and stays jobless longer because she becomes a mother and by the time she is out of her responsibilities she’s too drained out to even do something for herself.

The corporate world also prefers women who have not taken a break for motherhood. I mean, are you guys even human or camouflaged humanoids?

The point of the article is, do not accept abusive behaviour. It is not okay. Even if it’s a mistake, a fit of rage, it’s not okay.

Remember, abuse doesn’t start on the first date

Remember, it does not start on the first date, or the first few years of marriage, but when it does start, make sure you draw the line.

Domestic violence victims are often slowly manipulated into situations over a period of time, hence walk out when the partner shows first signs of abuse, just like the film Thappad.

Or you never know you might just someday need to run from your house to safety in the middle of the night, like Alex, with a child with a shining shard of broken glass in her hair.

Image source: Still from Ammu, edited on CanvaPro

Comments