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"Go back to your husband,” my mother who was just back from the hospital had cried. I didn’t listen to her. I chose my father instead.
“Don’t do that, please. Your father is wrong. Listen to what I say. Go back to your husband,” my mother who was just back from the hospital had cried. I didn’t listen to her. I chose my father instead.
“Your tiny daughter, what will happen to her after you die?” mother had continued.
I still had refused to budge. I was 32 then, and there was no question of my death at that, and I also knew my mother suffered from mental illness.
Furthermore, I would be at work when she and her sister Mitu (name of my aunt) would dial my husband, make my two-year-old daughter speak to him, promising that I would return to that abusive man of mine who had at one point of time almost killed me.
Maa’s (mother) whining’s went in vain and she died with the fact that her daughter had refused to go back to her husband. I guess she was not in her senses during her last days and had totally forgotten that her daughter is married.
A decade has passed since my divorce. I had two surgeries, thanks to my company where I worked, they paid my bills. My little daughter suffered from chronic cough and cold and at one point of time had a hospitalization as well.
She grew up and along with her growing up her expenses also increased.
I am not complaining, but just reminding the society that I took care of her and am still taking care alone. Of course at some point of time my father was alive who stood like a rock right beside me, but I had to lose him as well.
My father passed away in 2020 (the COVID period) and the phase between my maa’s demise and father passing away I handled six hospitalizations of my father, this time too alone. I was nervous, each time I stepped inside the hospital I would tremble, pray to God to return my father to me completely cured. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen at all.
Daddy was never the same.
And in between everything, my divorce too happened. Numerous court visits, dealing with my husband whom I could no longer tolerate, but ultimately it happened. Within nine months, my husband gave me a divorce without a single rupee as alimony.
He also agreed to the term that he will lose custody of the child. Guess he could no longer bear the fact that his child was a girl. He strongly desired for a boy, but I bore a girl child and that was my wish which the Almighty granted me.
Now, please turn your lenses here. Me, a single woman in charge of a little child and an old father. I was always emotionally vulnerable, and it was my father who would always boost up my spirits and cheering me up. I got into two affairs thinking now I have a man in life, but the results were disastrous.
One of them sent a video of him masturbating, and the other turned a liar.
By this time I had completely lost trust on men, but simultaneously my mental health took a downward toll. Expenditures mounted up as I needed counselling as well as I needed medicines and in between all these happenings my father passed away leaving behind a broken daughter and a little granddaughter.
God was kinder now. I mended the broken pieces of mine and caught hold of myself. Make no mistake, please, I still needed medications and counselling.
By this time I had started understanding men, especially the married ones who could consider single women a threat. They would still try to flirt with me with a condition of no strings attached, but any counter feedback from me made them rush to their spouses like a petrified kitten.
It’s not that I have turned into a man hater, but I have shifted my focus on my daughter. Since I knew with any wrong step of mine the victim will be my daughter and I didn’t want that to happen.
I have no idea if my ex has married and do not wish to know either. The thing that amazes me is his indifference towards the daughter. I am still without a man and when I come across one I try my best not to show my vulnerability.
Likewise, I have also joined a group named “Status Single” and found a sisterhood amongst the ladies on that platform.
Now I run a marathon single, solo, alone with no one to greet me at the finishing line. I work with a meagre salary and have double the expenditures in comparison to what I earn. I am now friends with my psychiatrist and my counsellor, since they played a vital role keeping me sane.
Likewise, I have no regrets in life, but only life lessons which my life taught me along my way.
My daughter and me
Furthermore, I cannot complete this narrative without a note about my relatives. I am not in touch with anyone any more, since they know to take but not to give. The good news is there is always light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Image source: SCSchutter, via Getty Images, free on CanvaPro
Rimli Bhattacharya is a First class gold medalist in Mechanical Engineering from National Institute of Technology, an MBA in supply chain management and is engaged with a corporate sector. Her essay in the anthology “Book read more...
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