Finding Intimacy And Agency Through Porn

Representation of sexual relations and/or intimacy in pornographic media is often filled with unrealistic and exacerbated depictions of actors, their bodies and their physical setting, leading to the construction of delusory expectations by audiences on what sex actually entails.

It is mainly the portrayal of women in pornographic media which has attracted the ire of feminists during the sexual revolution of the 1970s and 80s in the U.S.A. Famously known as “Porn Wars” the debate on pornography divided the opinion of feminist thinkers into two opposing groups.

The anti-porn lobby was led by Andrea Dworkin and Catherine MacKinnon, who stressed that there is no difference between gender discrimination against women in the boardroom and sexual objectification of women in the bedroom.

However, this camp believed that pleasure is inherently patriarchal, asymmetrically and violent.

On one hand, there were sex-positive feminists like Ellen Wills who criticized sexual puritanism behind the anti-porn sentiments and urged women to use pornography to overcome their fears about sex, to arouse sexual desires and to generate sexual fantasies.

They put forward the debate that women should feel free to view and enjoy all forms of pornography, including violent pornography. There is a difference between an actual rape and a rape fantasy; as the former is a crime where consent has been violated, but the latter is an exercise of consent by reclaiming the criminal situation.

Feminist porn concentrates on consent and pleasure

To challenge this narrative, the last decade has seen the rise in ‘feminist porn’, or porn created in a way that considers the rights, pleasure and consent of all the people involved-on and off-screen. Feminist porn is not exclusively made for women, but it is a form of porn that takes women’s pleasure into account as much as men’s.

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It’s porn that sees women in leading roles: initiating sex and going after what and who they want. Feminist pornographers also make sure actors, crew and directors are paid well, have safe working conditions and that everyone has consented to the sex taking place.

Parallel to heterosexual or pornography catering to cisgender men, queer pornographic media (predominantly by and for cisgender white men) also emerged.

Though in theory, queer erotica has the power to subvert heteronormative narratives on desire, fantasies and relations, in reality, it has fallen prey to the same subjectivities which have guided the ‘mainstream and popular’ pornographic industry.

Pleasure is still misunderstood

Pleasure in gay pornographic media is largely centred on a limited understanding of intimacy and sexual relations between people. Like its straight counterpart, gay pornography is filmed around clichés of anal sex, oral sex and the size of genitals (with an underpinning of bigger the better). Gay pornography seldom deals with emotions, stigma, and fear, that queer individuals deal with on a daily basis to form a relation.

However, to bridge this gap and create a counter-narrative for pornography, Davey Wavey a YouTuber in 2017 created Himeros.tv, a porn platform that “enhances gay and bisexual men’s experience of sex and sexuality through connection, exploration, and pleasure”. The platform creates videos with sex coaches, sexologists, tantric coaches, and adult film stars.

Wavey in an interview with US-based ‘The Advocate’ magazine said, “We don’t market it as educational porn or porn that’s good for you, but it kind of is. It’s porn, that when you watch it, you see either a technique that’s being demonstrated or a concept that you feel like you can apply to your life. As gay men in a vacuum of sex education, we learned about sex by doing what? Watching porn.”

Becoming in charge of the narrative

Similar to websites like Himeors.tv, the OnlyFans platform has also gained popularity in recent years. OnlyFans is a website where anyone can upload their intimate photos or videos, which could be accessed through a monthly subscription.

This single platform has revolutionized how porn is created and consumed. It allowed the creators to bypass adult media giants who control the narrative of filming, which is highly misogynistic and queer-disconnecting.

It also provides an opportunity for individuals to work on their own terms and set a multidimensional picture of beauty. The phonographic industry has been criticized for paying less remuneration to female and queer performers.

OnlyFans has created a space where people are redefining the meaning of ‘porn’, through a medium where creators and audiences are not just engaged in sexual activity devoid of emotions and intimacy but try to build a connection as many creators shares about their ups and downs.

However, OnlyFans is not free from pornographic stereotypes, many creators still adhere to them in order to drive traffic to their websites.

Asking for bans reinforces the idea that pleasure is vulgar!

Challenging the singularity of pornographic media is crucial in changing the surrounding discourse, which mainly focuses on religious morality and women’s patriarchal modesty with a single solution of banning it.

However, bans on pornographic media reinforce the idea that pleasure is vulgar and obscene, and sexuality could only be expressed in a form of reproductive duty under the sanctum of marriage.

Moreover, bans do not reduce child pornography [correct terminology is child sexual exploitation materials (CSEM) as children cannot consent to sexual acts, any medium that have children in a sexualized situation is an act of exploitation and violence], revenge porn or uploading someone’s intimate life without their consent. Instead of banning porn, regulating it would help to curb these problems.

Image source: via Getty Images, free and edited on CanvaPro

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